Consequences

I just got sad news about a former student. Though I’ve changed towns and through my job at the college meet more and more people, it is amazing how “small” the world can still be. An acquaintance through church called me earlier to inquire about a job opening we have at MMCC. A close friend of his had applied and my acquaintance wanted to know if there was any way I could put in a good word because his friend really needs a job. When he told me the man’s name, it began to trigger a memory for me. He then began to tell me about how the man’s son had been badly beaten last fall and had almost died, and now his parents are caring for him. The father had lost his job recently and desperately needs a job in the area so that he can help care for his son. A clearer picture began to develop in my mind and I asked if the son had ever been a student at MMCC. My acquaintance asked his wife and she confirmed he had been there about 1 ½ years ago but had fallen into the wrong crowd during a rough time and had failed out. I then asked if the son had been in a bad fight once before, and he said “yes, as a matter of fact he was, and he almost died from that beating as well”. I opened up old attendance sheets on my computer, and sure enough this same young man is a former student. I recall this bright, energetic student who was having trouble staying focused on his studies. Sometimes in class he was ‘with’ me and engaged in class. Other times he seemed to be in another world, and a few times I had to even confront him about his rude, inappropriate behavior. About 2/3 of the way through the semester he came to my office hours with photos of his face after a terrible beating he had suffered the spring before. He wanted me to understand that he was dealing with PTSD and anxiety as well as recovering from the head injury from that beating, and apologized for the way he had been behaving. He shared how as a result of that fight, he felt he had lost his friendships and was struggling with family relationships as well. We tried to work out an independent study situation because he was finding it increasingly difficult to sit through class. I remember feeling so heartbroken after that meeting, had even fought tears while he talked to me and felt so burdened for quite some time about the things so many of my students are trying to handle.
I haven’t seen him since that semester ended, and had not heard anything about him until tonight when I learned he had once again been beaten up and this time left for dead. To hear the story from a friend of this young man’s parents made my heart ache all the more, for them and him. Their lives have now been turned upside down as well. It is so hard to see a young person that had so much potential lose his hopes and dreams because of bad decisions – drinking, fighting, drugs, and who knows what else, and to see how two caring parents have to suffer those consequences with him. It’s hard to hear that someone I wanted to help didn’t find as much worth in himself that I saw in him.
Sometimes my students break my heart. Partly because of the subject matter I teach, partly because I’m full time and available to students, and probably because I’m interested in my student’s lives – I tend to hear about some pretty difficult life situations. Sometimes I’m able to help through advice, sometimes just providing words of affirmation, sometimes a reference letter, sometimes by doing or saying things that I learn later made an impact on someone. Martin hears stories like this as well, so I know it isn’t just that I teach Psychology, and I know many of our colleagues have had these experiences also. Many students just need a caring adult who can acknowledge that their life situation is difficult, but to be encouraged that they can get through it. I’m proud to work with other stellar people as well who have compassion for students along with a passion for learning and teaching.
Yesterday I was frustrated with a current student who seemed to be missing the point of her college education. I was venting at a colleague about the lack of motivation and effort I was perceiving. Tonight I’m reminded that there could be a number of reasons why this student is not able to focus on my class. It’s easy to assume she is lazy, unmotivated, or careless. And, that may be true. Or it may be that she is dealing with financial problems, family problems, legal problems, etc. that right now are much more important than introduction to psychology. I am reminded that most of the important teachable moments we have are not when we are delivering a lesson plan, for my students or for me.
When I started working at MMCC, a person from my church questioned why I would teach Psychology at a small community college. She wondered why I would teach in a field that points to the answer to people’s problems everywhere but towards God, and from other conversations I had with that person I think she wondered why I would stay in this area rather than move somewhere else. This is why. I’m developing a sense of history in my location and my vocation and my church, and I think it builds credibility for me with others. It’s a responsibility and a calling that I take seriously and is fulfilling, even though it can sometimes be heartbreaking. Despite hearing that this student continued down a path that almost ended in his death, my mind tonight is also on students whose lives have turned around and are turning around. Just today I had an e-mail from a young man who failed one of my courses last school year, but today wanted me to know that the course he is taking this semester, and the experience he is having in our classroom now, is changing his life. I can’t, and won’t and shouldn’t, take the credit for that. I think a number of factors came together in his life to help him get motivated and serious about his future. But I’m definitely blessed to be a witness to his transformation.