I've been thinking of my "step"father Danny a lot today. I hate to have to use that word - Step - because I wonder if people who did not know him downplay the importance he had in my life because he wasn't my "real" Dad. Danny did so much to make our blended family one tied together by love and grace. Just the other day Jessica was asking me more questions about my family, and she was surprised when she finally realized that Sheila, Darren, Keri and I were not biological brothers and sisters. I had mentioned that Sheila and I had never lived in the same house and she looked very surprised and confused! I told her the reason she didn't know we hadn't always been family was because of Papa's example, and it was because of his legacy that I know my family will embrace her as if she has always been a part of our clan. I know he would have loved her and she would have loved him. She told me the other night that she feels like she did know him because of the way I talk about him. I can't wait for her to hear more stories from her cousins, aunts, and uncles.
As I watch her struggle to trust Martin as not just her "friend", but her Dad, I think about how much my relationship with Danny brought healing into my life. He helped me to trust men, to know it was okay to rely on a man. He helped me learn that someone can be mad at you but not take love away. He taught me what it meant to love without condition, to be loyal in the toughest of times. I wish he was here because maybe he could help Jessica with the same issues and maybe she would trust Martin more. My greatest joy has been to see the unconditional love that Martin has for her, and my greatest pain is that she has been hurt so much by other people that she isn't sure how to receive a real, pure, love from him. And I have hope, for all of us! Through us she has a number of honest, loyal, even-tempered men in her life now who have embraced her as grandfathers and grandfatherly types, like Papa "Mo", "Grandpa" Gene, Grandpa Tom, Mr. Owens, Mr. Gallagher, and Mr. Carson to name a few! All of them, and most of all a Heavenly Father, will bring healing and courage.
I shared this verse with her last night:
Zephaniah 3:17 "The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing". Please pray that she will see her Heavenly Father as this image reveals - trusting, kind, gentle, and who takes great joy in who she is, and that she would see how Martin's life and love reflect this same God!
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Consequences
I just got sad news about a former student. Though I’ve changed towns and through my job at the college meet more and more people, it is amazing how “small” the world can still be. An acquaintance through church called me earlier to inquire about a job opening we have at MMCC. A close friend of his had applied and my acquaintance wanted to know if there was any way I could put in a good word because his friend really needs a job. When he told me the man’s name, it began to trigger a memory for me. He then began to tell me about how the man’s son had been badly beaten last fall and had almost died, and now his parents are caring for him. The father had lost his job recently and desperately needs a job in the area so that he can help care for his son. A clearer picture began to develop in my mind and I asked if the son had ever been a student at MMCC. My acquaintance asked his wife and she confirmed he had been there about 1 ½ years ago but had fallen into the wrong crowd during a rough time and had failed out. I then asked if the son had been in a bad fight once before, and he said “yes, as a matter of fact he was, and he almost died from that beating as well”. I opened up old attendance sheets on my computer, and sure enough this same young man is a former student. I recall this bright, energetic student who was having trouble staying focused on his studies. Sometimes in class he was ‘with’ me and engaged in class. Other times he seemed to be in another world, and a few times I had to even confront him about his rude, inappropriate behavior. About 2/3 of the way through the semester he came to my office hours with photos of his face after a terrible beating he had suffered the spring before. He wanted me to understand that he was dealing with PTSD and anxiety as well as recovering from the head injury from that beating, and apologized for the way he had been behaving. He shared how as a result of that fight, he felt he had lost his friendships and was struggling with family relationships as well. We tried to work out an independent study situation because he was finding it increasingly difficult to sit through class. I remember feeling so heartbroken after that meeting, had even fought tears while he talked to me and felt so burdened for quite some time about the things so many of my students are trying to handle.
I haven’t seen him since that semester ended, and had not heard anything about him until tonight when I learned he had once again been beaten up and this time left for dead. To hear the story from a friend of this young man’s parents made my heart ache all the more, for them and him. Their lives have now been turned upside down as well. It is so hard to see a young person that had so much potential lose his hopes and dreams because of bad decisions – drinking, fighting, drugs, and who knows what else, and to see how two caring parents have to suffer those consequences with him. It’s hard to hear that someone I wanted to help didn’t find as much worth in himself that I saw in him.
Sometimes my students break my heart. Partly because of the subject matter I teach, partly because I’m full time and available to students, and probably because I’m interested in my student’s lives – I tend to hear about some pretty difficult life situations. Sometimes I’m able to help through advice, sometimes just providing words of affirmation, sometimes a reference letter, sometimes by doing or saying things that I learn later made an impact on someone. Martin hears stories like this as well, so I know it isn’t just that I teach Psychology, and I know many of our colleagues have had these experiences also. Many students just need a caring adult who can acknowledge that their life situation is difficult, but to be encouraged that they can get through it. I’m proud to work with other stellar people as well who have compassion for students along with a passion for learning and teaching.
Yesterday I was frustrated with a current student who seemed to be missing the point of her college education. I was venting at a colleague about the lack of motivation and effort I was perceiving. Tonight I’m reminded that there could be a number of reasons why this student is not able to focus on my class. It’s easy to assume she is lazy, unmotivated, or careless. And, that may be true. Or it may be that she is dealing with financial problems, family problems, legal problems, etc. that right now are much more important than introduction to psychology. I am reminded that most of the important teachable moments we have are not when we are delivering a lesson plan, for my students or for me.
When I started working at MMCC, a person from my church questioned why I would teach Psychology at a small community college. She wondered why I would teach in a field that points to the answer to people’s problems everywhere but towards God, and from other conversations I had with that person I think she wondered why I would stay in this area rather than move somewhere else. This is why. I’m developing a sense of history in my location and my vocation and my church, and I think it builds credibility for me with others. It’s a responsibility and a calling that I take seriously and is fulfilling, even though it can sometimes be heartbreaking. Despite hearing that this student continued down a path that almost ended in his death, my mind tonight is also on students whose lives have turned around and are turning around. Just today I had an e-mail from a young man who failed one of my courses last school year, but today wanted me to know that the course he is taking this semester, and the experience he is having in our classroom now, is changing his life. I can’t, and won’t and shouldn’t, take the credit for that. I think a number of factors came together in his life to help him get motivated and serious about his future. But I’m definitely blessed to be a witness to his transformation.
I haven’t seen him since that semester ended, and had not heard anything about him until tonight when I learned he had once again been beaten up and this time left for dead. To hear the story from a friend of this young man’s parents made my heart ache all the more, for them and him. Their lives have now been turned upside down as well. It is so hard to see a young person that had so much potential lose his hopes and dreams because of bad decisions – drinking, fighting, drugs, and who knows what else, and to see how two caring parents have to suffer those consequences with him. It’s hard to hear that someone I wanted to help didn’t find as much worth in himself that I saw in him.
Sometimes my students break my heart. Partly because of the subject matter I teach, partly because I’m full time and available to students, and probably because I’m interested in my student’s lives – I tend to hear about some pretty difficult life situations. Sometimes I’m able to help through advice, sometimes just providing words of affirmation, sometimes a reference letter, sometimes by doing or saying things that I learn later made an impact on someone. Martin hears stories like this as well, so I know it isn’t just that I teach Psychology, and I know many of our colleagues have had these experiences also. Many students just need a caring adult who can acknowledge that their life situation is difficult, but to be encouraged that they can get through it. I’m proud to work with other stellar people as well who have compassion for students along with a passion for learning and teaching.
Yesterday I was frustrated with a current student who seemed to be missing the point of her college education. I was venting at a colleague about the lack of motivation and effort I was perceiving. Tonight I’m reminded that there could be a number of reasons why this student is not able to focus on my class. It’s easy to assume she is lazy, unmotivated, or careless. And, that may be true. Or it may be that she is dealing with financial problems, family problems, legal problems, etc. that right now are much more important than introduction to psychology. I am reminded that most of the important teachable moments we have are not when we are delivering a lesson plan, for my students or for me.
When I started working at MMCC, a person from my church questioned why I would teach Psychology at a small community college. She wondered why I would teach in a field that points to the answer to people’s problems everywhere but towards God, and from other conversations I had with that person I think she wondered why I would stay in this area rather than move somewhere else. This is why. I’m developing a sense of history in my location and my vocation and my church, and I think it builds credibility for me with others. It’s a responsibility and a calling that I take seriously and is fulfilling, even though it can sometimes be heartbreaking. Despite hearing that this student continued down a path that almost ended in his death, my mind tonight is also on students whose lives have turned around and are turning around. Just today I had an e-mail from a young man who failed one of my courses last school year, but today wanted me to know that the course he is taking this semester, and the experience he is having in our classroom now, is changing his life. I can’t, and won’t and shouldn’t, take the credit for that. I think a number of factors came together in his life to help him get motivated and serious about his future. But I’m definitely blessed to be a witness to his transformation.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Waiting...
...I don't wait very well. I've been known to drive in to a fast food restaurant and right back out again if there are a few cars in the drive-thru lane. Martin can attest that I get quite antsy sometimes if I am waiting for him to finish getting ready, to finish talking to someone, to answer what I view as a simple questions. All the more if I'm also hungry...sorry my darling!
It helps if I just don't think about what I'm waiting for, which is partially why we haven't done any updates lately. We are waiting, and have been for quite a few weeks now, for a couple of child assessment reports. In the meantime, we have held off on any more inquiries but it is getting difficult. We want to feel like something is making progress. Its hard not to get into the mind game of the "what ifs". What if someone forgot we needed the report? What if it is lost in the mail? What if, while we wait, we miss out on other opportunities? What if we should be going a different direction? What if we wait all this time and none of these situations work out?
In the last year, we have had many friends and some family have babies or get pregnant. We are so excited about all of these situations, and we rejoice with them. Some of these situations are ones where our friends or family members also waited for a very long time for these moments so we definitely lift our hands to God in gratitude. Even in one situation, our friend had been told when she was a teenager that she could probably never have biological children, yet I held her baby daughter on Christmas Eve! One of my cousins had many miscarriages before Isaac - such a fitting name - was placed in her arms. These testimonies give me hope that God does have perfect timing and a plan perfect for us.
Many years ago at a youth ministry leader retreat, Acey showed a teaching on a video where the man's message (I'm at a complete loss as to who the teacher was - sorry!) showed that the biblical pattern is that God often tells us the "what" He is going to do long before the "how" and the "when". That has stuck with me obviously over all these years, and I know from my past experiences that we are stretched and challenged while we wait for the "what" to come about. But knowing that doesn't always make it an easier time! I know we have things to learn during this time, and things to prepare (emotionally in our lives and logistically in our home). I know that it isn't true that "nothing" is happening and that this is an active time even if it doesn't seem so. But yes, I still do want Abba to give me all the details so I can give my approval and offer Him some suggestions!
It helps if I just don't think about what I'm waiting for, which is partially why we haven't done any updates lately. We are waiting, and have been for quite a few weeks now, for a couple of child assessment reports. In the meantime, we have held off on any more inquiries but it is getting difficult. We want to feel like something is making progress. Its hard not to get into the mind game of the "what ifs". What if someone forgot we needed the report? What if it is lost in the mail? What if, while we wait, we miss out on other opportunities? What if we should be going a different direction? What if we wait all this time and none of these situations work out?
In the last year, we have had many friends and some family have babies or get pregnant. We are so excited about all of these situations, and we rejoice with them. Some of these situations are ones where our friends or family members also waited for a very long time for these moments so we definitely lift our hands to God in gratitude. Even in one situation, our friend had been told when she was a teenager that she could probably never have biological children, yet I held her baby daughter on Christmas Eve! One of my cousins had many miscarriages before Isaac - such a fitting name - was placed in her arms. These testimonies give me hope that God does have perfect timing and a plan perfect for us.
Many years ago at a youth ministry leader retreat, Acey showed a teaching on a video where the man's message (I'm at a complete loss as to who the teacher was - sorry!) showed that the biblical pattern is that God often tells us the "what" He is going to do long before the "how" and the "when". That has stuck with me obviously over all these years, and I know from my past experiences that we are stretched and challenged while we wait for the "what" to come about. But knowing that doesn't always make it an easier time! I know we have things to learn during this time, and things to prepare (emotionally in our lives and logistically in our home). I know that it isn't true that "nothing" is happening and that this is an active time even if it doesn't seem so. But yes, I still do want Abba to give me all the details so I can give my approval and offer Him some suggestions!
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Autonomy
Today I finished up a module in my Intro to Psych course about Human Development and Personality. I've collected great photos over the years of our family, especially our nieces and nephews, that provide great visuals of these developmental phases. Let me be clear, family, that I'm not using you as examples of "abnormal" psychology - but using photos that exemplify our changes in our lives! :)
One of the pictures I used in my lecture today was a family favorite from Christmas of 2006, when Sarah was almost 2 years old. She was entering "preoperational" thought - that great time of magical thinking and games of "pretend", and she was in the social stage of development of autonomy, of trying to do things on her own, of her own volition, and doing things for herself. Spencer was also in that preoperational stage, and socially in the stage of initiative, learning to initiate tasks and carry out plans. And Papa, he was in the stage of generativity - where we think about our legacy through our children, grandchildren and community; and perhaps with his cancer diagnosis was even moving into the stage of "integrity" - doing a life review and ending with a sense that all was done that needed to be done. So what does all that psychology speak mean? It means a great memory, captured by our cameras, of a special moment in time. A special Christmas that will be told about for the rest of our lives! A time when an toddler and a preschooler did a rock concert for six adults, transforming their living room into a stage and us into groupies. It means a picture worth more than a MILLION words:
Friday, November 07, 2008
lots on my mind...
Today, Friday, is supposed to be my day to catch up on grading and errands. But my mind is wrapped up on the events of the week. Not only the victories and disappointments of the elections, a change in my attitude about political involvement, a call to prayer for my country and its leaders (local, state and national!), but also our progress in adoption. So, as I love to do, I thought I would process out some of that through writing. Its on my mind and preventing work anyway!
Careful questions and direct questions have been coming our way again about what is happening with our adoption progress, so that will be the subject of THIS post. We have completed and been approved for our family study. We weren’t sure what happened from there – do we start calling our social worker at the agency? Do we start inquiring about children we know in the state’s database? Or do we wait for them to initiate? We decided if we had not heard from our S.W. by yesterday, we would call her on Friday. Well, Wednesday when we got home from work we had a call from the agency and the message included that our social worker is doing a lot of training for a few weeks (she is new to the agency), so her supervisor was handling our file for now. Another social worker in the same agency, different office, had seen our file and was inquiring about our interest in one of her cases. Before you get excited, we are not pursuing this one, but I still wanted to share this with you because of how it affected us to read our first child assessment.
1. Excitement – wow things are starting to move!
2. Fear – Wow things are starting to move!
3. Sadness – we realized which children this inquiry was about and that we had read a brief profile on them, so we were aware of some possible severe issues. But we agreed to see their case report. Because of their privacy, I won’t share with you what we learned, but suffice to say we were heartbroken over what transpired in this particular case. I (Kelley) even retreated into a shell for a little while, overwhelmed with what I had read and wondering if this path to adopt from the foster system was/is really something Martin and I can handle.
4. Guilt – at least on my part. We signed up for this, but we want to say no? Will there be another family for these kids? Will they be okay? But it came down to a sense of peace finally when I framed the decision of what is best for THEM, and we are not it. Not for this particular case.
5. Resolve – we have talked many hours in the last few days, once again thinking about who we are and what we have to offer. This has led to us opening up more to considering a child a little older than we originally said. This decision was led by Martin, who has been gently asking me to think about this actually for a few weeks now.
6. Initiative – we looked through the database some more with new eyes and began to generate a list of children that we may be a better match for, and so when we called the agency today to say “no” to the first case (our worker was VERY understanding), we asked if we could take the initiative to inquire on some cases. She is very helpful at helping us interpret clues in the public profiles and what the terms mean, who generates the descriptions, etc.
We ask you for a few things. First, be patient! This could be a long process! There is a lot of back and forth of sharing of information before we even have an opportunity to meet a child(ren). Second, be understanding that we will not be sharing details about a child’s background and won’t be sharing every step. They deserve their privacy of course, so if you feel in the dark it is not because we are shutting anyone out. Third – and probably MOST important – please pray for us and our future kids, for courage, wisdom, discernment, and peace. And finally, also very important, consider the fields of the fatherless around YOU. How can you help hurting kids around you? Prayer? Mentoring? Supporting foster and adoptive families in some way? Volunteer work? Or, perhaps, even to consider fostering or adoption yourself…?
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
A study of our family!
Martin and I have seen a draft of our family study now. I can't explain how strange it is to read about your home, your marriage, your biography, and your potential parenting abilities written from the perspective of another person. Even though we provided all of the information that is in the report, it is still written in the "voice" of another. In some ways, it is quite uncomfortable. We feel vulnerable, naked, laid bare...
Yesterday in my (Kelley) Bible study, we had some discussion of how intimately God knows us. God is always aware of what is really in our hearts. We are studying the era of the Kings and Prophets in Judaic history. After the ancient Northern Kingdom was lost, the southern Kingdom (Judah) still went on for awhile. God continued to warn them through His prophets that they needed to turn back to him. Under a godly King, Josiah, the people renewed their covenant with the Lord and began to celebrate His festivals again, including the most elaborate Passover celebration that had ever been done. Yet God still said that Judah was going to be disciplined because of the sins of Manasseh (Josiah's grandfather). Other scriptures that reference to this time say it is because God knew that the people of Judah had not turned to Him with their WHOLE hearts, they had held back. And because He examines not the outward appearance, but the heart, He knew that.
So as vulnerable and uncomfortable as I feel that social workers will be reading this family study, it occurs to me that I don't have the same fear, trembling, or awe towards God who knows me even more than that. God is bigger, more powerful, more Holy than any other being, but my indifference to His Word, His ways, His will is as if he is no more powerful than a carved idol from stone. Yesterday we reviewed all the places in the prophet Jeremiah that refer to our hearts - how stubborn we are, how we just go after our own designs, how we make idols of other things rather than worship God, how our hearts need to be circumcised and made new.
I'm finding that many aspects of this process of adoption are causing me to see my relationship with God and His love for me in very different ways. I'll probably be writing more about that! But I know that some of you also want to know more about what I mentioned at the beginning - that our family study is almost done! So, here's what should be happening...
We reviewed that study and this morning I talked to a social worker at our agency about some clarifications that were needed in the study. Most of these were in the "maternal" section of the report (meaning me - Kelley - the maternal one...wow!) because my life history is much more confusing than Martin's apparently! Trying to keep straight my family's chronology is...well...a challenge to someone who has never heard it before - ha ha! Anyway, tomorrow we will get hopefully the FINAL draft and after we look it over one more time we hope to be able to sign it and say "yep, that's us". THEN, it goes to our social worker who works here in Clare (haven't met her yet). From there...apparently our file can be shared with our agency headquarters to see if we may be a match for any of the kids on their caseload. We can also inquire about children who are caseloads at other agencies, usually through a state database. If that happens, our files have to go back and forth through the social workers before we actually may even meet any children. So, hang on, this doesn't go very quickly usually! Be patient, and in the meantime please pray for our kid(s) who are out there somewhere, also waiting...for us...and for you...our family and friends! Oh, so in case it STILL isn't clear, then yes - it seems we have passed this stage. It finally clicked with me today that even with little details that needed to be fixed to make the report very accurate - the gist of the report is that we are recommended to adopt! I was missing the forest for the trees I guess! When the s.w. was telling me future steps, it dawned on me she wasn't saying "if", she was saying WHEN!
Yesterday in my (Kelley) Bible study, we had some discussion of how intimately God knows us. God is always aware of what is really in our hearts. We are studying the era of the Kings and Prophets in Judaic history. After the ancient Northern Kingdom was lost, the southern Kingdom (Judah) still went on for awhile. God continued to warn them through His prophets that they needed to turn back to him. Under a godly King, Josiah, the people renewed their covenant with the Lord and began to celebrate His festivals again, including the most elaborate Passover celebration that had ever been done. Yet God still said that Judah was going to be disciplined because of the sins of Manasseh (Josiah's grandfather). Other scriptures that reference to this time say it is because God knew that the people of Judah had not turned to Him with their WHOLE hearts, they had held back. And because He examines not the outward appearance, but the heart, He knew that.
So as vulnerable and uncomfortable as I feel that social workers will be reading this family study, it occurs to me that I don't have the same fear, trembling, or awe towards God who knows me even more than that. God is bigger, more powerful, more Holy than any other being, but my indifference to His Word, His ways, His will is as if he is no more powerful than a carved idol from stone. Yesterday we reviewed all the places in the prophet Jeremiah that refer to our hearts - how stubborn we are, how we just go after our own designs, how we make idols of other things rather than worship God, how our hearts need to be circumcised and made new.
I'm finding that many aspects of this process of adoption are causing me to see my relationship with God and His love for me in very different ways. I'll probably be writing more about that! But I know that some of you also want to know more about what I mentioned at the beginning - that our family study is almost done! So, here's what should be happening...
We reviewed that study and this morning I talked to a social worker at our agency about some clarifications that were needed in the study. Most of these were in the "maternal" section of the report (meaning me - Kelley - the maternal one...wow!) because my life history is much more confusing than Martin's apparently! Trying to keep straight my family's chronology is...well...a challenge to someone who has never heard it before - ha ha! Anyway, tomorrow we will get hopefully the FINAL draft and after we look it over one more time we hope to be able to sign it and say "yep, that's us". THEN, it goes to our social worker who works here in Clare (haven't met her yet). From there...apparently our file can be shared with our agency headquarters to see if we may be a match for any of the kids on their caseload. We can also inquire about children who are caseloads at other agencies, usually through a state database. If that happens, our files have to go back and forth through the social workers before we actually may even meet any children. So, hang on, this doesn't go very quickly usually! Be patient, and in the meantime please pray for our kid(s) who are out there somewhere, also waiting...for us...and for you...our family and friends! Oh, so in case it STILL isn't clear, then yes - it seems we have passed this stage. It finally clicked with me today that even with little details that needed to be fixed to make the report very accurate - the gist of the report is that we are recommended to adopt! I was missing the forest for the trees I guess! When the s.w. was telling me future steps, it dawned on me she wasn't saying "if", she was saying WHEN!
Friday, September 26, 2008
Waiting game
We have had quite a few questions from family and friends about the family study! I guess you all get to experience the hurry up and wait process with us!
We finished our 2 meetings in our home with a social worker. He seemed very positive about how he would write his report. He forewarned us that he would be at a conference all of last week so he didn't expect to have our report done any earlier than this week. He HAS to be done by mid-Oct in order to be paid (he is a contract worker with our agency), so he is motivated to get finished also ;). We will get to see his report and sign off on it before he turns it in. I know you all want to know "how long before you adopt after that". You can guess that answer. It depends...
Through this experience we have been learning, and continue to learn, that God often tells us the WHAT he is calling us to, but doesn't always reveal the WHEN. Remember it was almost exactly 3 years ago that Martin and I felt we had a clear calling to adopt. We assumed at that time we would adopt an infant within that year. Then a few months later we had the devastating news that I had cancer again. I was crushed, wondering if I had NOT heard from God after all. But our hearts, the Word of God, the community of Christ followers around us, and the circumstances in our lives continue to point to our call to be parents. He has given us a heart for the fatherless - His heart. It is His call to the entire Church, and some of us fulfill that by adoption.
The delay had many purposes, one was for us to think through more HOW we would adopt and we realized we are not called to adopt the voluntarily placed infant. Through this time He has also prepared us through training provided by the state, led us to an agency that specializes in what we want to do, shown us mercy through loss - the same mercy we will need to have for our future children, and I think has even worked on the hearts of particular family and friends to be ready to extend love in very special ways to our family. We have always had confidence that our children will be accepted and loved by both our families. But events on both sides in the last few years has given all of us (grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins) I think a bigger sense of mission and purpose for what we embark on now!
So, if you get impatient, remember that Abraham and Sarah had to wait MUCH longer than this for their promised Isaac. We are not going to grab at Ishmael - we will wait for our "Isaac" - for God's plan. And in the meantime rejoice that we are not 75 years old and trying to do this!
We finished our 2 meetings in our home with a social worker. He seemed very positive about how he would write his report. He forewarned us that he would be at a conference all of last week so he didn't expect to have our report done any earlier than this week. He HAS to be done by mid-Oct in order to be paid (he is a contract worker with our agency), so he is motivated to get finished also ;). We will get to see his report and sign off on it before he turns it in. I know you all want to know "how long before you adopt after that". You can guess that answer. It depends...
Through this experience we have been learning, and continue to learn, that God often tells us the WHAT he is calling us to, but doesn't always reveal the WHEN. Remember it was almost exactly 3 years ago that Martin and I felt we had a clear calling to adopt. We assumed at that time we would adopt an infant within that year. Then a few months later we had the devastating news that I had cancer again. I was crushed, wondering if I had NOT heard from God after all. But our hearts, the Word of God, the community of Christ followers around us, and the circumstances in our lives continue to point to our call to be parents. He has given us a heart for the fatherless - His heart. It is His call to the entire Church, and some of us fulfill that by adoption.
The delay had many purposes, one was for us to think through more HOW we would adopt and we realized we are not called to adopt the voluntarily placed infant. Through this time He has also prepared us through training provided by the state, led us to an agency that specializes in what we want to do, shown us mercy through loss - the same mercy we will need to have for our future children, and I think has even worked on the hearts of particular family and friends to be ready to extend love in very special ways to our family. We have always had confidence that our children will be accepted and loved by both our families. But events on both sides in the last few years has given all of us (grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins) I think a bigger sense of mission and purpose for what we embark on now!
So, if you get impatient, remember that Abraham and Sarah had to wait MUCH longer than this for their promised Isaac. We are not going to grab at Ishmael - we will wait for our "Isaac" - for God's plan. And in the meantime rejoice that we are not 75 years old and trying to do this!
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Happy Birthday Martin!
Today is Martin's 36th birthday. I teased him this morning that he is on the downhill slide towards 40 now, and he teased back that he is just following my lead.
Anyone that knows him can't help but see that Martin is one of the friendliest people they will ever meet. I am so blessed by him everyday, and it is such an honor to know him like no one else does. As an ode to Martin's 36 years, I made a list of 36 things I love about Martin. Of course, there are countless things I love about him, but I have years to tell you about that!
1. He is a man after God’s heart, especially when it comes to loving the orphan, the widow, the refugee, and the hurting
2. His big brown eyes
3. His kissable mouth
4. The way he hugs
5. He loves to spark kids’ curiousity
6. He is playful
7. He is creative
8. How patient he is when he teaches students Chemistry
9. He is curious
10. His willingness to do the icky jobs in our renovations, like taking out toilets and mudding walls
11. He loves dogs
12. His passion for what interests him (like football, the ecology, yogurt, baking, music)
13. He likes to learn new things
14. He shovels our whole driveway in the winter without complaining that I rarely help him
15. He picks up dog poo in the backyard so I can get done mowing faster
16. He makes a great pot of coffee
17. He has a quirky sense of humor
18. He is really patient with me when I am moody
19. He gets up with the dogs in the morning so I can sleep a little while longer
20. He lets me keep feeding birds even though it draws water fowl and squirrels into our yard
21. He thinks I’m beautiful and sexy even though I do not fit the “ideal” of beauty today
22. He is merciful to people who are ill, hurting, poor, hungry, sad, lonely, etc.
23. He is one of those guys who is the friend to other guys that they can call when they need to talk or cry and he never makes them feel weak for doing it.
24. He didn’t give up on the Lions until TODAY after years of hope – he is THAT loyal!
25. He kills spiders and other bugs for me
26. He doesn’t make me feel bad when my leg twitching disturbs his sleep
27. He loves ethnic food
28. He has a beautiful singing voice
29. He confronts me when I’m being a jerk
30. He stood with my family in the most difficult days we faced
31. He has stood by me in sickness and in health
32. He makes me feel significant
33. He loves his family
34. He loves the food I cook, but isn’t afraid to be honest if it didn’t turn out right so I don’t waste my time making something he didn’t like again!
35. He makes me popcorn the old-fashioned way
36. And he’s really good at…okay that’s private!
Martin - I love you! Happy Birthday,
Kel
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Vinyl Spackle vs. Light Compound
Our little renovation project is so much more complicated than I could imagine. We had such a busy week that we have only worked on it here and there a little bit. So far we have:
1. Taken out toilet, sink, and vanity and removed the door.
2. Taken out all tile
3. Killed all mildew
4. Stripped off 2 layers of wall paper (including the ceiling - oh and to top it off, the other layer of wall paper was the SAME wallpaper as the top layer!) and scraped off wall paper glue
5. Pulled out paneling
Martin is currently trying to repair the walls. Where the paneling was (on 2 walls), he needed to repair the tape and drywalling in the corner. Where the paneling was glued in random spots, the drywall paper had torn so he has been working on that. Where the vanity was, he has pulled off glue that helped anchor it, and has been repairing that. Where holes were created when he pulled out the cabinet, he is repairing that. Where there are random "textured" areas on the walls where the wallpaper was, he needs to skim.
So, he was using vinyl compound in some areas and ran out. I thought I would be helpful and volunteer to stop by Ace while doing some other shopping. To ease my stress, I took the empty container with me so I could just point at the container and say "I want this". I also thought I would by a sample "pod" of paint to help me decide on color.
So, after spending way too much time at Punches Pharmacy Plus (the pharmacy part of the store was sold to Walgreen's already - now they are doing massive sells on the gift shop inventory), and already having had a call from Martin wondering why I wasn't back yet, I made it to Ace. I was so relieved when a female employee saw me walk in with the container and said "Oh, I bet you want more of THAT". I'm thinking - "oh, this will be so quick", already eyeing the display of paint "pods". But I made a mistake and asked "Do you have a bigger size"? Then began the questions "Well, are you sure you need more? What are you using it for? Are you sure that is what you want to do? You will probably need a _______ (I don't even know what she said)? Don't you think you want something lighter? Let's go ask _____ "(My brain was already swirling and I can't remember the name of the man who then proceeded to treat me like a dumb woman who doesn't know her way around a hardware store - which is true...). More questions from him until I finally said "I know, I'll call him". Martin answers the phone "let me call you back, someone is at the door". So I stand there with the woman and I looking at each other (What's his face walked away from us silly women). Martin calls back and I try to explain to him what they are telling me, and as I ask the questions they have for him, he says 'uh....uh...(repeat questions back - which means Martin really wasn't paying attention)...uh...". I turn to the women with gritted teeth "He's watching the football game so this may take awhile - he can't multitask". She laughs "I know - it is challenging when you are sent to get things for someone else's project" (I'm embarrassed thinking how these is supposed to be OUR project, not Martin's project). Finally, Martin says just buy the stuff they are telling you to buy (which I think means he really doesn't know but he'll figure it out later, and that he isn't as far as maybe he had led me to believe), so I get the light compound they suggested, and also the small jar of vinyl spackle just in case...(thus the name of this blog post).
Then I go to choose a pod of paint (enough for a 2X2 area). She says "You know, this only covers a 2X2 area?". " "Yes, I know. Don't people buy this precisely for that reason- to test out a color?". "Well, yes, but let me give you this paint chip card". Which I guess means she doesn't like the color I picked out...Oh well, she won't ever be using my bathroom.
I finally get out of there, including buying a candy bar to soothe myself, and still had to go to the friendly neighborhood grocery store which, since the last time I was there, has completely been rearranged. My Diet Rite is where my English Muffins used to be. The English Muffins are where my chips used to be. The garbanzo beans are nowhere near the rest of the beans where I first look. The diced tomatos are no longer with spaghetti sauce. And there are a bunch of portable shelves filled with the items they want to get rid of now that they are rearranged, and the deals are too great to ignore...So much for a quick run to the store...
1. Taken out toilet, sink, and vanity and removed the door.
2. Taken out all tile
3. Killed all mildew
4. Stripped off 2 layers of wall paper (including the ceiling - oh and to top it off, the other layer of wall paper was the SAME wallpaper as the top layer!) and scraped off wall paper glue
5. Pulled out paneling
Martin is currently trying to repair the walls. Where the paneling was (on 2 walls), he needed to repair the tape and drywalling in the corner. Where the paneling was glued in random spots, the drywall paper had torn so he has been working on that. Where the vanity was, he has pulled off glue that helped anchor it, and has been repairing that. Where holes were created when he pulled out the cabinet, he is repairing that. Where there are random "textured" areas on the walls where the wallpaper was, he needs to skim.
So, he was using vinyl compound in some areas and ran out. I thought I would be helpful and volunteer to stop by Ace while doing some other shopping. To ease my stress, I took the empty container with me so I could just point at the container and say "I want this". I also thought I would by a sample "pod" of paint to help me decide on color.
So, after spending way too much time at Punches Pharmacy Plus (the pharmacy part of the store was sold to Walgreen's already - now they are doing massive sells on the gift shop inventory), and already having had a call from Martin wondering why I wasn't back yet, I made it to Ace. I was so relieved when a female employee saw me walk in with the container and said "Oh, I bet you want more of THAT". I'm thinking - "oh, this will be so quick", already eyeing the display of paint "pods". But I made a mistake and asked "Do you have a bigger size"? Then began the questions "Well, are you sure you need more? What are you using it for? Are you sure that is what you want to do? You will probably need a _______ (I don't even know what she said)? Don't you think you want something lighter? Let's go ask _____ "(My brain was already swirling and I can't remember the name of the man who then proceeded to treat me like a dumb woman who doesn't know her way around a hardware store - which is true...). More questions from him until I finally said "I know, I'll call him". Martin answers the phone "let me call you back, someone is at the door". So I stand there with the woman and I looking at each other (What's his face walked away from us silly women). Martin calls back and I try to explain to him what they are telling me, and as I ask the questions they have for him, he says 'uh....uh...(repeat questions back - which means Martin really wasn't paying attention)...uh...". I turn to the women with gritted teeth "He's watching the football game so this may take awhile - he can't multitask". She laughs "I know - it is challenging when you are sent to get things for someone else's project" (I'm embarrassed thinking how these is supposed to be OUR project, not Martin's project). Finally, Martin says just buy the stuff they are telling you to buy (which I think means he really doesn't know but he'll figure it out later, and that he isn't as far as maybe he had led me to believe), so I get the light compound they suggested, and also the small jar of vinyl spackle just in case...(thus the name of this blog post).
Then I go to choose a pod of paint (enough for a 2X2 area). She says "You know, this only covers a 2X2 area?". " "Yes, I know. Don't people buy this precisely for that reason- to test out a color?". "Well, yes, but let me give you this paint chip card". Which I guess means she doesn't like the color I picked out...Oh well, she won't ever be using my bathroom.
I finally get out of there, including buying a candy bar to soothe myself, and still had to go to the friendly neighborhood grocery store which, since the last time I was there, has completely been rearranged. My Diet Rite is where my English Muffins used to be. The English Muffins are where my chips used to be. The garbanzo beans are nowhere near the rest of the beans where I first look. The diced tomatos are no longer with spaghetti sauce. And there are a bunch of portable shelves filled with the items they want to get rid of now that they are rearranged, and the deals are too great to ignore...So much for a quick run to the store...
Monday, September 15, 2008
Missing Danny
"The memory of a good person is a blessing" Proverb 10:7a
We are remembering Danny especially keenly today. A year already has passed since we said our goodbyes to him in person, but we have had so many goodbyes in other ways since then. Each "first" without him is another sort of goodbye. This "first" is hard, the first anniversary of our first day without his smile, his laugh, his hugs, his jokes, his little "neepneep" noise he made when he gave you a little tickle. But never ever without his love -- he gave my Mom, my sisters, my brother, his sons-in-law, his grandchildren, his family and friends, and me a tremendous gift of unconditional love.
Today I held off on the tears, waiting until the pressures of the day were done so I could just think about him. I took a rose from my bush to the dock and wished he could have spent more time at our home in Michigan. I spent some time at the tree we planted in his memory in our yard and wondered about how it will keep growing over the years, marking one more year that we held him in our memories. I watched the DVD of pictures we made last year and wept and laughed, and then wept and laughed some more. I reread the letter I wrote to him this summer when we buried his ashes in Olalla. Here is part of it:
"Even though you were not a religious person, I learned a lot about God from you. That you can be angry with someone and still love them immeasurably. That you can love someone without putting conditions on them. That it is best to put the needs of others first, even if you are tired and sick. That every life is worthy of honor and respect, that people are more important than anything. I think about how you received us with open arms and pure joy whenever any of your kids or grandkids came to visit, and how safe it felt to come “home” into your hugs.
"I miss:
Barbecuing steaks from Al’s
Bringing you a beer
Eating Dove Bars
Talking to you on the phone
Sitting together in the mornings before others woke up, patting each other’s hands and drinking coffee
Sharing recipes once we both realized what great cooks we were
Talking about the future
Laughing at Mom together
Wrapping Mom’s Christmas presents for you
Big Breakfasts
Having you teach me Pinochle AGAIN
Playing Cribbage with you
Having you call me whenever you heard the Cougs had won
Hearing you laugh so hard you snorted
Your silly sayings like “I got all my hairs cut”, and “can’t get up, can’t get out”
Watching you pretend you didn’t like chocolate, cats, dogs, or my jokes
Watching you patiently work on your HoneyDo lists, and just shake your head as she swept the floor AGAIN
Watching you share tender moments with my Mom."
---------------------------------
At the burial I talked about the way I would live my life to honor his life, his legacy. I asked my nieces and nephews to store up all their memories of who Papa was to them so that their stories will make him real to their future cousins that Martin and I and Darren and his future mate will bring into the family. I asked my siblings and their spouses to think about what they would like to carry on in their life to honor him.
Right now the most important thing for Martin and I is to do what he did for my sister Keri and me: "I will try to raise our future children to learn that family is created not by blood, but by love, and with humor and patience I will help them to heal and to grow and to love others". I know he would be so excited at the steps we are taking to add to our family. I just so wish I could talk to him about it...
Kel
We are remembering Danny especially keenly today. A year already has passed since we said our goodbyes to him in person, but we have had so many goodbyes in other ways since then. Each "first" without him is another sort of goodbye. This "first" is hard, the first anniversary of our first day without his smile, his laugh, his hugs, his jokes, his little "neepneep" noise he made when he gave you a little tickle. But never ever without his love -- he gave my Mom, my sisters, my brother, his sons-in-law, his grandchildren, his family and friends, and me a tremendous gift of unconditional love.
Today I held off on the tears, waiting until the pressures of the day were done so I could just think about him. I took a rose from my bush to the dock and wished he could have spent more time at our home in Michigan. I spent some time at the tree we planted in his memory in our yard and wondered about how it will keep growing over the years, marking one more year that we held him in our memories. I watched the DVD of pictures we made last year and wept and laughed, and then wept and laughed some more. I reread the letter I wrote to him this summer when we buried his ashes in Olalla. Here is part of it:
"Even though you were not a religious person, I learned a lot about God from you. That you can be angry with someone and still love them immeasurably. That you can love someone without putting conditions on them. That it is best to put the needs of others first, even if you are tired and sick. That every life is worthy of honor and respect, that people are more important than anything. I think about how you received us with open arms and pure joy whenever any of your kids or grandkids came to visit, and how safe it felt to come “home” into your hugs.
"I miss:
Barbecuing steaks from Al’s
Bringing you a beer
Eating Dove Bars
Talking to you on the phone
Sitting together in the mornings before others woke up, patting each other’s hands and drinking coffee
Sharing recipes once we both realized what great cooks we were
Talking about the future
Laughing at Mom together
Wrapping Mom’s Christmas presents for you
Big Breakfasts
Having you teach me Pinochle AGAIN
Playing Cribbage with you
Having you call me whenever you heard the Cougs had won
Hearing you laugh so hard you snorted
Your silly sayings like “I got all my hairs cut”, and “can’t get up, can’t get out”
Watching you pretend you didn’t like chocolate, cats, dogs, or my jokes
Watching you patiently work on your HoneyDo lists, and just shake your head as she swept the floor AGAIN
Watching you share tender moments with my Mom."
---------------------------------
At the burial I talked about the way I would live my life to honor his life, his legacy. I asked my nieces and nephews to store up all their memories of who Papa was to them so that their stories will make him real to their future cousins that Martin and I and Darren and his future mate will bring into the family. I asked my siblings and their spouses to think about what they would like to carry on in their life to honor him.
Right now the most important thing for Martin and I is to do what he did for my sister Keri and me: "I will try to raise our future children to learn that family is created not by blood, but by love, and with humor and patience I will help them to heal and to grow and to love others". I know he would be so excited at the steps we are taking to add to our family. I just so wish I could talk to him about it...
Kel
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Baring our souls to a stranger!
Our family/home study (I'm not sure what they are called anymore - the name is changed as often as the state's department overseeing children's welfare name is changed!) is almost complete! For the last 2 Fridays Martin and I have spent the afternoon with a retired social worker who now spends time in his retirement doing these family studies for our adoption agency. He used to work with juvenile delinquents, so he says he really enjoys meeting potential adoptive families.
Besides checking out our home (cringe at having to show him the bathroom renovation that demanded our attention days before he came and assure him it is JUST mildew, not mold; cringe at Shasta barking at him incessantly while we reassure him she is good with kids; cringe as he almost steps in dog poo while he walks around the yard...); he spent hours asking us about our childhoods and families of origin, how we met, and what our relationship is like. This stranger probably knows more about us than some of our closest friends...we even learned a lot about each other in the process ("really? I never knew that about you? You did what when you were a kid?"). Sometimes it was quite uncomfortable to be talking about our parents, siblings, our school and employment history (Martin and I both took awhile to figure out what we wanted to be when we grew up).
The next immediate step is that he begins to pull together the information he gathered for the report he delivers to the agency. We get to see the report first, and sign off that we agree with the contents. Then he is done with us! From there, we work with the agency to begin the match process. I'm predicting a series of hurry up and waits!
We hear stories now all the time of people who have adopted, and usually these are great stories. I'm astonished at how many people do international adoptions. We also looked into this option, but the biggest adoption secret there is seems to be the number of AMERICAN children who desperately need forever families. We have even heard of Canadian parents adopting American children. The social worker confirmed this is true.
In case you were wondering about something I said above - we discovered a small slow leak into our toilet, and because our tile is old and the grout was wearing out and our floors slant some of that water got under our tile and began to mildew. As we began to investigate the problem, like all house projects the issue got bigger and bigger. First Martin discovered the wood in our vanity was mildewing so he had to take that out. That left a big mess on the walls, so that led to taking out the hideous wallpaper (hidden blessings!). That led to realizing we needed to take out the paneling because it was partially covered in wall paper and was a mess when we took it off. This led to the discovery of more mildew on the bottom of the paneling and on that wall behind our bathroom heater (no wonder the smell had not left). We've spent some time in the bathroom/plumbing aisles at the big box hardware stores trying to figure out what type/size of vanity cabinet is going to fit in our little square bathroom, and still be able to open the door! And pick out paint color, figure out the flooring, figure out accessories, try to decide if we want a new toilet, etc. etc. etc. ! Martin has been amazing to the project. I get sick from the smell and claustrophobic working in that room so I've tried to contribute with cooking, cleaning, and laundry.
So hopefully we wrap this up soon (most of the vanity cabinets we are considering are in stock), and continue on with other projects like our shower stall, taking out more wallpaper in other rooms, and so on and so on; while we wait (im)patiently for our family to expand!
Besides checking out our home (cringe at having to show him the bathroom renovation that demanded our attention days before he came and assure him it is JUST mildew, not mold; cringe at Shasta barking at him incessantly while we reassure him she is good with kids; cringe as he almost steps in dog poo while he walks around the yard...); he spent hours asking us about our childhoods and families of origin, how we met, and what our relationship is like. This stranger probably knows more about us than some of our closest friends...we even learned a lot about each other in the process ("really? I never knew that about you? You did what when you were a kid?"). Sometimes it was quite uncomfortable to be talking about our parents, siblings, our school and employment history (Martin and I both took awhile to figure out what we wanted to be when we grew up).
The next immediate step is that he begins to pull together the information he gathered for the report he delivers to the agency. We get to see the report first, and sign off that we agree with the contents. Then he is done with us! From there, we work with the agency to begin the match process. I'm predicting a series of hurry up and waits!
We hear stories now all the time of people who have adopted, and usually these are great stories. I'm astonished at how many people do international adoptions. We also looked into this option, but the biggest adoption secret there is seems to be the number of AMERICAN children who desperately need forever families. We have even heard of Canadian parents adopting American children. The social worker confirmed this is true.
In case you were wondering about something I said above - we discovered a small slow leak into our toilet, and because our tile is old and the grout was wearing out and our floors slant some of that water got under our tile and began to mildew. As we began to investigate the problem, like all house projects the issue got bigger and bigger. First Martin discovered the wood in our vanity was mildewing so he had to take that out. That left a big mess on the walls, so that led to taking out the hideous wallpaper (hidden blessings!). That led to realizing we needed to take out the paneling because it was partially covered in wall paper and was a mess when we took it off. This led to the discovery of more mildew on the bottom of the paneling and on that wall behind our bathroom heater (no wonder the smell had not left). We've spent some time in the bathroom/plumbing aisles at the big box hardware stores trying to figure out what type/size of vanity cabinet is going to fit in our little square bathroom, and still be able to open the door! And pick out paint color, figure out the flooring, figure out accessories, try to decide if we want a new toilet, etc. etc. etc. ! Martin has been amazing to the project. I get sick from the smell and claustrophobic working in that room so I've tried to contribute with cooking, cleaning, and laundry.
So hopefully we wrap this up soon (most of the vanity cabinets we are considering are in stock), and continue on with other projects like our shower stall, taking out more wallpaper in other rooms, and so on and so on; while we wait (im)patiently for our family to expand!
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Family Study Scheduled
We have been expecting a call for a few weeks now from a social worker. We confirmed after we got back from Washington State that all of our paperwork is in, all reference letters were in, and all our background checks were done. The agency was looking for a 'contingency' worker that they hire to do family studies for them and said we should hear from him or them by the end of last week. I had decided that if I didn't hear anything by yesterday I would be a squeaky wheel and make some calls today. Last night, though, he called and scheduled to meet us next Friday afternoon! He wondered if we have plans - we do, but this process is our top priority so our plans will have to wait!
We are excited and nervous and have lots of questions, as do many of you, so hopefully this begins the process of getting answers. I know the #1 question has been "how long will this take?". Well, we don't know. "It all depends" will be coming out of our mouths a lot I expect!
We are excited and nervous and have lots of questions, as do many of you, so hopefully this begins the process of getting answers. I know the #1 question has been "how long will this take?". Well, we don't know. "It all depends" will be coming out of our mouths a lot I expect!
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Paperwork
We have noticed that friends and families have been cautious about asking us where we are in the adoption process. Perhaps you were tired of hearing "well, yes, we just have to fill out the paperwork".
Well, Martin and I both seemed to have a peace and a sense of readiness in June and begin to really make headway on the piles of papers we needed to fill out. We sent out a large packet of application materials on June 20, the last day of our church's VBS. That night at the VBS "Harambe" time, I (Kelley) thought to myself "how cool would it be if we had children participating in VBS next year!".
We haven't had any official word from the agency yet. We know they got the paperwork because one of us forgot one signature on one sheet and it was sent back to us. It was immediately fixed and put back in the mail, even driven to the post office to meet the last pick up time! A lot has to be processed, but hopefully we will hear from them soon.
In the meantime, we have been quite busy! We have been doing various projects at the house, had dear friends stay with us for a week, had our annual Summerfest party, Kelley finished a grad class she took on-line with the University of New Hampshire and is finishing up the last few weeks of an on-line class she is teaching, and we are preparing for a trip back to Washington State next week. Phew! Summer is flying by!
Well, Martin and I both seemed to have a peace and a sense of readiness in June and begin to really make headway on the piles of papers we needed to fill out. We sent out a large packet of application materials on June 20, the last day of our church's VBS. That night at the VBS "Harambe" time, I (Kelley) thought to myself "how cool would it be if we had children participating in VBS next year!".
We haven't had any official word from the agency yet. We know they got the paperwork because one of us forgot one signature on one sheet and it was sent back to us. It was immediately fixed and put back in the mail, even driven to the post office to meet the last pick up time! A lot has to be processed, but hopefully we will hear from them soon.
In the meantime, we have been quite busy! We have been doing various projects at the house, had dear friends stay with us for a week, had our annual Summerfest party, Kelley finished a grad class she took on-line with the University of New Hampshire and is finishing up the last few weeks of an on-line class she is teaching, and we are preparing for a trip back to Washington State next week. Phew! Summer is flying by!
Thursday, May 29, 2008
When I get where I'm going...
A video for Geoff Moore's version of the Brad Paisley song:
I came across this song last night. My family has decided to bury Danny's remains rather than scatter the ashes when we gather this summer as we had originally planned, so I have been doing research for my Mom for decisions she has to make about urns, urn vaults, and the service.
I read a book a few years ago called "The Sacred Romance" by Brent Curtis and John Eldredge that caused me to think about my role in this story of life very differently. One of the chapters focused on heaven. They talk about how we don't even anticipate or welcome heaven. Life can be so good, so sweet here (especially for us Americans), that we can't imagine that heaven will be so much greater, more beautiful and tasty and without all the pain and tears that accompany this life. A few songs have come out in the last few years that try to grasp this - "Smell the Color Nine" by Chris Rice, and "Imagine" by Mercy Me to name a few.
Even with our ability as humans to think abstractly, to be creative and imaginative, to always desire something "better", we are so limited in our ability to conceive of what things will be like in the Jerusalem Above. Because of that we focus on what we have lost when someone we love dies, or what we will lose when we ourselves die, rather than to think about what is gained. I'm lost in that right now. Grief is not in steps, it is in cycles, and I never know what might set off pain, anger, or tears this week. All of this is NORMAL, though others think that to be "doing okay" when you are grieving means you are smilin' and movin' on!
I came across this song last night. My family has decided to bury Danny's remains rather than scatter the ashes when we gather this summer as we had originally planned, so I have been doing research for my Mom for decisions she has to make about urns, urn vaults, and the service.
I read a book a few years ago called "The Sacred Romance" by Brent Curtis and John Eldredge that caused me to think about my role in this story of life very differently. One of the chapters focused on heaven. They talk about how we don't even anticipate or welcome heaven. Life can be so good, so sweet here (especially for us Americans), that we can't imagine that heaven will be so much greater, more beautiful and tasty and without all the pain and tears that accompany this life. A few songs have come out in the last few years that try to grasp this - "Smell the Color Nine" by Chris Rice, and "Imagine" by Mercy Me to name a few.
Even with our ability as humans to think abstractly, to be creative and imaginative, to always desire something "better", we are so limited in our ability to conceive of what things will be like in the Jerusalem Above. Because of that we focus on what we have lost when someone we love dies, or what we will lose when we ourselves die, rather than to think about what is gained. I'm lost in that right now. Grief is not in steps, it is in cycles, and I never know what might set off pain, anger, or tears this week. All of this is NORMAL, though others think that to be "doing okay" when you are grieving means you are smilin' and movin' on!
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
I'm back?
Recently someone told me that they had been waiting for me to start blogging again. It was actually on my "summer project" list. The list I make every May after graduation of the grand plans I have for a very productive summer. I usually have a house project list, a personal/fun reading list, a professional development reading list, and an attempt at some sort of template for a daily schedule to try to keep all of that on track. However, the summer reading list I created 3 years ago still only has a few books marked off, so you get the idea of how effective my lists are!
I actually do feel like I'm productive so far. I would probably be more EFFECTIVE had I not once again forgotten how to say no to myself or others. Martin is teaching SCI 200 for a few more weeks on Wed/Thurs afternoons. I'm teaching an on-line course, taking an on-line course (and another in about a month), and getting ready to be in Kansas City for about a week participating in the Advanced Placement Psychology test scoring. I just checked out the website for the hotel where I will "live" for that week, and I have to say I am really looking forward to this again! Last year we were in Louisville KY. I had a great time, but there wasn't much else to see. I think where we are located in KC will have a lot more to offer in the evenings after a long day stuck in the convention center (if I ever leave the beautiful hotel!).
On the homefront, we have a # of projects: paperwork for Lutheran Adoption Services; finishing the entry way (painting, putting in those last touches); stripping wall paper and prepping walls in our master suite; gardening/landscaping. We also are now "gamers" with our Wii system, our contribution to stimulating the economy. Last week we bought the Wii Fit "game" and we are both regularly working out thanks to Nintendo! It feeds our competitive spirits to break each others records I think.
Last fall our dear friends gave us a gift certificate to a local nursery so that we could get something to plant as a memorial to our Papa. We didn't have time to plant anything last fall, so we set it aside until now. Last week we picked out a Crimsom Maple. I remember Mom and Danny had planted a red colored maple at the Fagerud House (they called it a Japanese Maple - it may be the same thing!), and I always loved it. It is 10 feet tall so we couldn't exactly put it in the trunk, so Martin called his former student and wonderful friend Moose to ask for a big favor. Friday he will help us with his truck to get "Danny's tree" home to us.
I've been missing Danny so much lately. Perhaps because I've attended 2 funerals recently, and because we bought the tree, and because it is almost Father's Day and when I buy shower and grad cards I have to see them and feel the shock of realizing I can't buy him a card this year every time, and because we bought our tickets to go home this summer so that we can finally do a burial, and because I have more free time to be alone with my thoughts.
By the way - Sherene told me to buy him a card anyway. I'm going to do it.
I actually do feel like I'm productive so far. I would probably be more EFFECTIVE had I not once again forgotten how to say no to myself or others. Martin is teaching SCI 200 for a few more weeks on Wed/Thurs afternoons. I'm teaching an on-line course, taking an on-line course (and another in about a month), and getting ready to be in Kansas City for about a week participating in the Advanced Placement Psychology test scoring. I just checked out the website for the hotel where I will "live" for that week, and I have to say I am really looking forward to this again! Last year we were in Louisville KY. I had a great time, but there wasn't much else to see. I think where we are located in KC will have a lot more to offer in the evenings after a long day stuck in the convention center (if I ever leave the beautiful hotel!).
On the homefront, we have a # of projects: paperwork for Lutheran Adoption Services; finishing the entry way (painting, putting in those last touches); stripping wall paper and prepping walls in our master suite; gardening/landscaping. We also are now "gamers" with our Wii system, our contribution to stimulating the economy. Last week we bought the Wii Fit "game" and we are both regularly working out thanks to Nintendo! It feeds our competitive spirits to break each others records I think.
Last fall our dear friends gave us a gift certificate to a local nursery so that we could get something to plant as a memorial to our Papa. We didn't have time to plant anything last fall, so we set it aside until now. Last week we picked out a Crimsom Maple. I remember Mom and Danny had planted a red colored maple at the Fagerud House (they called it a Japanese Maple - it may be the same thing!), and I always loved it. It is 10 feet tall so we couldn't exactly put it in the trunk, so Martin called his former student and wonderful friend Moose to ask for a big favor. Friday he will help us with his truck to get "Danny's tree" home to us. I've been missing Danny so much lately. Perhaps because I've attended 2 funerals recently, and because we bought the tree, and because it is almost Father's Day and when I buy shower and grad cards I have to see them and feel the shock of realizing I can't buy him a card this year every time, and because we bought our tickets to go home this summer so that we can finally do a burial, and because I have more free time to be alone with my thoughts.
By the way - Sherene told me to buy him a card anyway. I'm going to do it.
Saturday, October 27, 2007
And the world keeps turning...
The leaves are falling, we are close to a frost, gray days are outnumbering sunny days.
Danny has been gone for six weeks now. That is 42 days. In some ways, it seems like that number is small - it has only been 42 days? Just 1.5 months? Perhaps because we have all gone through so much emotional upheaval, it seems like it has been much longer.
In other ways, that number seems so big. 42 days already? Because sometimes the memories of our last moments with him are still very sharp.
Strange things bring back keen emotions. Last night, Martin and I went to go see the new film "Dan in Real Life" (Two Thumbs Up, by the way!). On our drive to Mount Pleasant, I was thinking about Danny and could feel tears welling up. It was dark, Martin and I were both watching the road, and he did not know what I was thinking. But he suddenly started talking about a memory of Danny. Perhaps it was because we were going to a movie about a man named Dan, perhaps because it had been an emotional day already (I had been thinking about who I could call to talk about my day when I began to think about him). At any rate, he was on our minds as we went into the movie.
Early in the movie, Dan and his 3 girls arrive at his parent's vacation home. His Dad comes out to greet him, excited that they have arrived. He hugs them all, laughing and smiling. Suddenly I was crying, thinking about how excited Danny always was when I got home. I remember one time years ago arriving home, and Danny was so excited to see me that he was cracking up and squeezing me so hard I could hardly breathe. I remember how astonished I felt that I meant so much to him (I tend to assume that other people mean more to me than I do to them). In just a few more weeks, we will be going to Washington for Christmas, and I won't have that greeting and it is going to hurt...
A wise person in our lives has pointed out to Martin and I that we quickly faced crises early in our marriage (deaths, health issues, extended family issues), and didn't have the length of time many other couples have to finish building our foundation - defining our roles, setting our goals, etc. In fact, a few years ago we pulled back from volunteer leadership positions at our church to do just that - build into the foundation of our marriage. But I was in the midst of health problems, and within a few months of that decision had my cancer diagnosis, so that became the looming thing in our lives instead. So it is like we don't know how to live together anymore without being in a crisis mode, and now that life is getting "routine", we are relearning pet peeves, priorities, and habits.
Because of the # of bad news phone calls, we have realized we have stopped our long-range planning even, making it difficult to think about sitting down and filling out a large pile of forms for adoption. She wondered if we should allow ourselves the time to dream again, do more vision casting for our family life, get back to the traditions and rituals we wanted to start, before we voluntarily completely change our lives again. Certainly something to think about!
I pointed out that one way we seem to be growing together is our interest in learning a lifestyle that leaves a smaller "footprint" on the world (in terms of our ecological impact) by our food and lifestyle choices. Martin has decided to experiment with foods from a cookbook we own called "More with Less" (a Mennonite cookbook with recipes that are about eating better and consuming "less of the world's limited food resources") and is actually doing the grocery trip for the week! He seems to be enjoying going through the cupboards to see what we have. I didn't realize how much the grocery shopping and our pantry inventory had become my domain until he pulled out two cans of tomato sauce and asked if it was okay to use them for a recipe :). I actually do love it when Martin cooks - he gets such a charge out of experimenting and creating, and eats his own cooked meals with gusto and enthusiasm!
So, basically we have realized that in a life becoming once again routine, we have forgotten our routines, thus causing us to still live in chaos and crisis mode. So, this weekend I'll be opening up my household computer files and reexamining our meal and chore schedules that we have not been using for months (did I mention we also hired a cleaning service?!), and learn to relish those types of routines while still growing together in intimacy, spirituality, and intellectually!
Danny has been gone for six weeks now. That is 42 days. In some ways, it seems like that number is small - it has only been 42 days? Just 1.5 months? Perhaps because we have all gone through so much emotional upheaval, it seems like it has been much longer.
In other ways, that number seems so big. 42 days already? Because sometimes the memories of our last moments with him are still very sharp.
Strange things bring back keen emotions. Last night, Martin and I went to go see the new film "Dan in Real Life" (Two Thumbs Up, by the way!). On our drive to Mount Pleasant, I was thinking about Danny and could feel tears welling up. It was dark, Martin and I were both watching the road, and he did not know what I was thinking. But he suddenly started talking about a memory of Danny. Perhaps it was because we were going to a movie about a man named Dan, perhaps because it had been an emotional day already (I had been thinking about who I could call to talk about my day when I began to think about him). At any rate, he was on our minds as we went into the movie.
Early in the movie, Dan and his 3 girls arrive at his parent's vacation home. His Dad comes out to greet him, excited that they have arrived. He hugs them all, laughing and smiling. Suddenly I was crying, thinking about how excited Danny always was when I got home. I remember one time years ago arriving home, and Danny was so excited to see me that he was cracking up and squeezing me so hard I could hardly breathe. I remember how astonished I felt that I meant so much to him (I tend to assume that other people mean more to me than I do to them). In just a few more weeks, we will be going to Washington for Christmas, and I won't have that greeting and it is going to hurt...
A wise person in our lives has pointed out to Martin and I that we quickly faced crises early in our marriage (deaths, health issues, extended family issues), and didn't have the length of time many other couples have to finish building our foundation - defining our roles, setting our goals, etc. In fact, a few years ago we pulled back from volunteer leadership positions at our church to do just that - build into the foundation of our marriage. But I was in the midst of health problems, and within a few months of that decision had my cancer diagnosis, so that became the looming thing in our lives instead. So it is like we don't know how to live together anymore without being in a crisis mode, and now that life is getting "routine", we are relearning pet peeves, priorities, and habits.
Because of the # of bad news phone calls, we have realized we have stopped our long-range planning even, making it difficult to think about sitting down and filling out a large pile of forms for adoption. She wondered if we should allow ourselves the time to dream again, do more vision casting for our family life, get back to the traditions and rituals we wanted to start, before we voluntarily completely change our lives again. Certainly something to think about!
I pointed out that one way we seem to be growing together is our interest in learning a lifestyle that leaves a smaller "footprint" on the world (in terms of our ecological impact) by our food and lifestyle choices. Martin has decided to experiment with foods from a cookbook we own called "More with Less" (a Mennonite cookbook with recipes that are about eating better and consuming "less of the world's limited food resources") and is actually doing the grocery trip for the week! He seems to be enjoying going through the cupboards to see what we have. I didn't realize how much the grocery shopping and our pantry inventory had become my domain until he pulled out two cans of tomato sauce and asked if it was okay to use them for a recipe :). I actually do love it when Martin cooks - he gets such a charge out of experimenting and creating, and eats his own cooked meals with gusto and enthusiasm!
So, basically we have realized that in a life becoming once again routine, we have forgotten our routines, thus causing us to still live in chaos and crisis mode. So, this weekend I'll be opening up my household computer files and reexamining our meal and chore schedules that we have not been using for months (did I mention we also hired a cleaning service?!), and learn to relish those types of routines while still growing together in intimacy, spirituality, and intellectually!
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Cancer, Cowardice, and Courage
After I got back to Michigan, in my mail was a newsletter from a local cancer support group. In the newsletter was a sort of poem contrasting the difference between “Giving Up” and “Letting Go”. I’ve been thinking about that. Shortly before Danny died, I had told my Mom that while I myself use words like “fighting cancer”, and “Cancer Survivor”, I realize that analogy of being in a fight with a disease can become dangerous when someone dies. I don’t want anyone to ever think that Danny, or any of the others we love who died from cancer, was not victorious!
Years ago, a man from my church died while waiting for a heart transplant. People from our church had prayed and prayed, even having vigils, that Jeff would either have a miraculous healing or would get a transplant. Some of these people were devastated at his death, but Jeff’s own words brought them comfort. He told family members that he would be healed no matter what happened, because there is no disease in Heaven. In the presence of his heavenly Father, he would have a new body with no sickness. So he considered it the greatest healing if he were to die and be in the arms of God.
Those of us who are “survivors” often get called “heroes”, and told we are brave and inspiring. Sometimes it is hard not to laugh – it is not as if we chose to have cancer “Gee – I’m feeling brave today, let’s fight colon cancer!”. This morning I came across an on-line “diary” of a man battling cancer as he shared his thoughts on cancer, cowardness and courage. He had heard a line on a TV show that said “Cancer makes cowards of us all”, and he decided that was wrong. His name is Leroy Sievers, and he does a broadcast and an on-line “blog” for National Public Radio. He wrote today:
“To me, a coward is someone who runs away, who fails to act out of fear. No cancer patient is a coward, for one very simple reason. We're not allowed to be. How many of us would love to run away from our disease? From the treatments, the side effects, the pain? At some point, we have all felt that. But it's just not one of the options. We can't run away. So we are left with only one choice. Stand and face it.”
I would add that the same is true for those of you who care for us. I saw in my Mom so much nobility, grace, and courage. I’m sure she would have loved to run away from cancer, but she stayed by Danny’s side literally to his last breath. She always treated his soul and his body with dignity and respect. Now today, we would all love to run from the pain we feel at his loss, to escape the grief and the tears that suddenly come out of nowhere or the images that suddenly flash in front of our eyes. Be we can’t, so we stand and face it, one day at a time, one hour at a time, one moment at a time, one breath at a time.
Years ago, a man from my church died while waiting for a heart transplant. People from our church had prayed and prayed, even having vigils, that Jeff would either have a miraculous healing or would get a transplant. Some of these people were devastated at his death, but Jeff’s own words brought them comfort. He told family members that he would be healed no matter what happened, because there is no disease in Heaven. In the presence of his heavenly Father, he would have a new body with no sickness. So he considered it the greatest healing if he were to die and be in the arms of God.
Those of us who are “survivors” often get called “heroes”, and told we are brave and inspiring. Sometimes it is hard not to laugh – it is not as if we chose to have cancer “Gee – I’m feeling brave today, let’s fight colon cancer!”. This morning I came across an on-line “diary” of a man battling cancer as he shared his thoughts on cancer, cowardness and courage. He had heard a line on a TV show that said “Cancer makes cowards of us all”, and he decided that was wrong. His name is Leroy Sievers, and he does a broadcast and an on-line “blog” for National Public Radio. He wrote today:
“To me, a coward is someone who runs away, who fails to act out of fear. No cancer patient is a coward, for one very simple reason. We're not allowed to be. How many of us would love to run away from our disease? From the treatments, the side effects, the pain? At some point, we have all felt that. But it's just not one of the options. We can't run away. So we are left with only one choice. Stand and face it.”
I would add that the same is true for those of you who care for us. I saw in my Mom so much nobility, grace, and courage. I’m sure she would have loved to run away from cancer, but she stayed by Danny’s side literally to his last breath. She always treated his soul and his body with dignity and respect. Now today, we would all love to run from the pain we feel at his loss, to escape the grief and the tears that suddenly come out of nowhere or the images that suddenly flash in front of our eyes. Be we can’t, so we stand and face it, one day at a time, one hour at a time, one moment at a time, one breath at a time.
Saturday, August 11, 2007
The Clay
Martin and I had an amazing time in Washington State. It was a mixed bag - lots of laughter and joy and good memories, but also sad as we watched Danny struggle with health issues. Leaving on Wednesday morning was heartwrenching, my Mom so sad and scared. I hate watching them go through this, and there is nothing I can do to fix it. 
But maybe it is not for me to fix. I've been musing about the process my Uncle Richard uses to make his whistles and ocarinas. He showed us how he gets his molds ready for the fire, working the mouth to make sure the air passes just right. I had no idea that he could play them while still wet, before the fire. Of course, you can't give them to the end users like that, they would be smashed and ruined. It has to go through the firing process first, and glazed to make it shine with beauty, before a young Zelda fan can play magical melodies.
So then I think about my nieces and nephews, and wonder what they will have to go through as their "fire" (or what they have already gone through). What is the end process He has in mind for them, for me, for you?
Amanda, so pretty and quirky and smart. She has already been through so much...I pray for her healing.
Shelby - thoughtful, wise, responsible...I pray she learns about freedom.
Clarissa - the old soul, the cuddler. I pray for her wisdom about who and how to love.
Christopher - perfectionist, a worrier, a goof. I pray he learns about amazing grace.
Jean Paul - the athlete, looking for stability. I pray he learns about Trust on those uncertain roads sure to keep coming.
Spencer - the leader, the creator. I pray he learns sensitivity and the responsibility of leading.
Sarah - Fire cracker. Stand up comic. I pray she learns how to stream kindness and gentleness through her energy.
Katie - here closer to us, but with no more control in her life than we do in the others. We pray for her safety, for opportunities, for resilience.
I want to pray that they will be protected from any pain, disappointment, or grief. But no human life has been free of that, so instead I pray for Him to handle it gently, for His will to be done, as hard as it is for me to Trust that right here, right now. So, I guess more than anything I pray for ME - to regain my trust of Him in my life, that He is GOOD and knows His plans for me, and that they are GOOD. And in that I can trust Him to also take care of the people I love.
But maybe it is not for me to fix. I've been musing about the process my Uncle Richard uses to make his whistles and ocarinas. He showed us how he gets his molds ready for the fire, working the mouth to make sure the air passes just right. I had no idea that he could play them while still wet, before the fire. Of course, you can't give them to the end users like that, they would be smashed and ruined. It has to go through the firing process first, and glazed to make it shine with beauty, before a young Zelda fan can play magical melodies.
So then I think about my nieces and nephews, and wonder what they will have to go through as their "fire" (or what they have already gone through). What is the end process He has in mind for them, for me, for you?
Amanda, so pretty and quirky and smart. She has already been through so much...I pray for her healing.
Shelby - thoughtful, wise, responsible...I pray she learns about freedom.
Clarissa - the old soul, the cuddler. I pray for her wisdom about who and how to love.
Christopher - perfectionist, a worrier, a goof. I pray he learns about amazing grace.
Jean Paul - the athlete, looking for stability. I pray he learns about Trust on those uncertain roads sure to keep coming.
Spencer - the leader, the creator. I pray he learns sensitivity and the responsibility of leading.
Sarah - Fire cracker. Stand up comic. I pray she learns how to stream kindness and gentleness through her energy.
Katie - here closer to us, but with no more control in her life than we do in the others. We pray for her safety, for opportunities, for resilience.
I want to pray that they will be protected from any pain, disappointment, or grief. But no human life has been free of that, so instead I pray for Him to handle it gently, for His will to be done, as hard as it is for me to Trust that right here, right now. So, I guess more than anything I pray for ME - to regain my trust of Him in my life, that He is GOOD and knows His plans for me, and that they are GOOD. And in that I can trust Him to also take care of the people I love.
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Busyness
Everyone thinks that teachers and professors have it made because we get our summers "off". That is either wrong, or there is something wrong with me that keeps me from understanding how to vacation.
Martin and I have been busy trying to update the landscaping at our house, rebuilding our rickety deck (it is BEAUTIFUL AND STURDY NOW!), and updating our master suite. You know he was gone for 2 weeks to Asia. I was also gone for about a week to Kentucky to read for the AP Psychology exams. Along with about 360 high school and college psychology teachers, we read over 100,000 students essay questions at an overly air-conditioned convention hall. We had time in the evenings for social functions, some structured/required and most not. I got to see the races at Churchhill Downs, see "The Lion King" (did anyone else cry during the amazing opening scene?), and eat at the unforgettable Paradise Cafe.
Just this week I completed a grad course I took online through the University of New Hampshire. The end product was a new course I'll be proposing to the MMCC Curriculum Committee called "Human Relations". The class was called "Preparing to Teach a Psychology Course", having been teaching now for many years it wasn't a difficult course, but I'm a bit of a workaholic perfectionist so I did put plenty of hours into it. I glowed for hours with my professor's feedback "Another Outstanding Assignment". I've also been teaching a course on-line for Mid, it runs for a few more weeks.
We have had some fun too! After finishing the deck, we had 2 parties in one weekend. One was to celebrate the deck and watch the Clare Summerfest fireworks, the other was for my birthday (though the "boys" mainly used the deck to play Axis and Allies on the new table while the "girls" scrapbooked - how stereotyped is that?). The next weekend, we had guests for the weekend as we said goodbye to Janell and Jason Neuman (tears are springing to my eyes!). Martin has had other game nights with his buddies (I think Martin's love language is strategy gaming). I went to a music festival with Chris. We went camping for 3 nights this last weekend at beautiful Gleason's Landing. We may go to some of the "Mountain Rock Festival" concerts in Farwell. We leave next week to visit my family in Washington State. And of course, the summer blockbuster movies (none have blown me away yet!).
Mainly, I wanted to record for memory what has been happening. I haven't posted a blog for so long that it took me 4 tries to remember my password! For those of you who read this for adoption updates - we did finish the State training required for foster adoption called "PRIDE". Now, we need to find an agency to conduct our family assessment. The agency we want to work with has a long waiting list, and other agencies prefer families who want older children. We understand that older children need homes too - but we also want more than just a few years with kids in our house and I don't imagine we will keep adopting a cycle of kids through over the years!
Hope you are enjoying your summers!
Kelley (and Martin and the fur kids)
Martin and I have been busy trying to update the landscaping at our house, rebuilding our rickety deck (it is BEAUTIFUL AND STURDY NOW!), and updating our master suite. You know he was gone for 2 weeks to Asia. I was also gone for about a week to Kentucky to read for the AP Psychology exams. Along with about 360 high school and college psychology teachers, we read over 100,000 students essay questions at an overly air-conditioned convention hall. We had time in the evenings for social functions, some structured/required and most not. I got to see the races at Churchhill Downs, see "The Lion King" (did anyone else cry during the amazing opening scene?), and eat at the unforgettable Paradise Cafe.
Just this week I completed a grad course I took online through the University of New Hampshire. The end product was a new course I'll be proposing to the MMCC Curriculum Committee called "Human Relations". The class was called "Preparing to Teach a Psychology Course", having been teaching now for many years it wasn't a difficult course, but I'm a bit of a workaholic perfectionist so I did put plenty of hours into it. I glowed for hours with my professor's feedback "Another Outstanding Assignment". I've also been teaching a course on-line for Mid, it runs for a few more weeks.
We have had some fun too! After finishing the deck, we had 2 parties in one weekend. One was to celebrate the deck and watch the Clare Summerfest fireworks, the other was for my birthday (though the "boys" mainly used the deck to play Axis and Allies on the new table while the "girls" scrapbooked - how stereotyped is that?). The next weekend, we had guests for the weekend as we said goodbye to Janell and Jason Neuman (tears are springing to my eyes!). Martin has had other game nights with his buddies (I think Martin's love language is strategy gaming). I went to a music festival with Chris. We went camping for 3 nights this last weekend at beautiful Gleason's Landing. We may go to some of the "Mountain Rock Festival" concerts in Farwell. We leave next week to visit my family in Washington State. And of course, the summer blockbuster movies (none have blown me away yet!).
Mainly, I wanted to record for memory what has been happening. I haven't posted a blog for so long that it took me 4 tries to remember my password! For those of you who read this for adoption updates - we did finish the State training required for foster adoption called "PRIDE". Now, we need to find an agency to conduct our family assessment. The agency we want to work with has a long waiting list, and other agencies prefer families who want older children. We understand that older children need homes too - but we also want more than just a few years with kids in our house and I don't imagine we will keep adopting a cycle of kids through over the years!
Hope you are enjoying your summers!
Kelley (and Martin and the fur kids)
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Another update from Martin
Hey!
It's 2:14pm on Saturday, and we're in the city of Phnom Penh in Cambodia. We just arrived here a couple hours ago and checked into our hotel (The New York Hotel, which d/n resemble N.Y. at all.) Yesterday was an amazing day. Angkor is such a neat place, but it is also an amazingly hot place. It was around 95-100F during the day. I took around 350 pictures there, and I hope that some of them are good. The tour company hired a local English speaking guide that talked to us as we toured the temples. We were at the temples from around 7am-11am and again from 3pm until about 6pm. We went to Angkor Wat during our second session, and the sky was filled with storm clouds for most of our visit. Fortunately (or maybe unfortunately since it was so hot) it did not rain.
I've learned that I am an amazingly horrible barterer, and that I just need to shop at supermarkets (I get the same prices the locals do).
We have a very friendly and fun group on this trip. There are only 4 other people on the trip besides us. A couple Vietnamese women around my age, a Vietnamese woman who moved to California 25 years ago, along with her sister who is from HCMC. They all speak pretty good English, so we're able to interact and joke around. One thing that's interesting here is the number of relief organizations that are present. There was a free children's clinic in Siem Reap where a long line of people were lined up to be seen. About 1 in 4 of the billboards are a piece of information by a nonprofit relief group. I even saw a Worldvision billboard.
Today we're going to tour around Phnom Penh at 4pm, go to dinner, and then stop by a casino for a short visit. I don't think any of us are too excited about the casino. Tomorrow the rest of the group is going to the market in Phnom Penh, but Kathy and I are going to get in a Tuk Tuk and go to one of the killing fields memorial sites. The round trip ride should only cost around$5. After that I think we're going to head back to HCMC. Hopefully we'll be able to get back in! :-)
-Martin
(Martin called me tonight - which is Monday morning from him. He returned to Ho Chi Minh City and will be there for a few more days.)
It's 2:14pm on Saturday, and we're in the city of Phnom Penh in Cambodia. We just arrived here a couple hours ago and checked into our hotel (The New York Hotel, which d/n resemble N.Y. at all.) Yesterday was an amazing day. Angkor is such a neat place, but it is also an amazingly hot place. It was around 95-100F during the day. I took around 350 pictures there, and I hope that some of them are good. The tour company hired a local English speaking guide that talked to us as we toured the temples. We were at the temples from around 7am-11am and again from 3pm until about 6pm. We went to Angkor Wat during our second session, and the sky was filled with storm clouds for most of our visit. Fortunately (or maybe unfortunately since it was so hot) it did not rain.
I've learned that I am an amazingly horrible barterer, and that I just need to shop at supermarkets (I get the same prices the locals do).
We have a very friendly and fun group on this trip. There are only 4 other people on the trip besides us. A couple Vietnamese women around my age, a Vietnamese woman who moved to California 25 years ago, along with her sister who is from HCMC. They all speak pretty good English, so we're able to interact and joke around. One thing that's interesting here is the number of relief organizations that are present. There was a free children's clinic in Siem Reap where a long line of people were lined up to be seen. About 1 in 4 of the billboards are a piece of information by a nonprofit relief group. I even saw a Worldvision billboard.
Today we're going to tour around Phnom Penh at 4pm, go to dinner, and then stop by a casino for a short visit. I don't think any of us are too excited about the casino. Tomorrow the rest of the group is going to the market in Phnom Penh, but Kathy and I are going to get in a Tuk Tuk and go to one of the killing fields memorial sites. The round trip ride should only cost around$5. After that I think we're going to head back to HCMC. Hopefully we'll be able to get back in! :-)
-Martin
(Martin called me tonight - which is Monday morning from him. He returned to Ho Chi Minh City and will be there for a few more days.)
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Martin in Cambodia
From Martin:
We've arrived safely in Siem Reap, Cambodia. The trip took around 11 1/2 hours, including about two and a half hours of stops for breakfast and lunch. We covered approximately 500 km. Cambodia is so much different than Vietnam. There aren't nearly as many fruit producing trees, and the traffic is a small fraction of what it was in Vietnam. The country isn't nearly as developed, which is quite understandable due to the US B-52 bombings, Khmer Rouge rule, and subsequent invasion by Vietnam. I have also noticed a lot of humanitarian aid here. There are signs advertising USAID along with other organizations. I also saw what looked to be a food truck distributing food to families. I doubt if I will see much of this in Siem Reap since it is such a tourist town.
I haven't had much interaction with the people yet since we just arrived about an hour ago. Tomorrow we will go to Angkor Wat and visit all of the temples. It looks like such an amazing place.
We spent the previous two days in the Mekong Delta region of Vietnam, where we spent around 3-4 hours by boat touring the region. Riding in a vehicle on the roads is not very fun. I'm sure that auto manufacturers have to find some different ways to pitch their products since the roads are so congested and bumpy. Í fight motion sickness most of the time on the road.
One thing that really surprises me here is the lack of protections for the average citizen. The plumbing and electrical systems in Vietnam have been very scary. Lines from telephone poles can dip within about 5 feet of a sidewalk. We have often seen children sandwiched between two parents on a single motorbike. And they rarely wear helmets! When we toured a couple sweatshops near Ho Chi Minh City we saw so many potentially dangerous situations for workers! I also need to ignore how my food is prepared; even in the better restaurants. Richard mentioned that raw beef was left on the "clean" floor in a restaurant we ate at yesterday for lunch (thankfully I'm not sick yet.) I can't imagine the level of fines that OSHA and the FDA would hand out if these were in the USA.
We only have 5 full days left here in Cambodia and Vietnam. Here's a rough agenda for the remaining days.
Friday, 3-18: Visit Angkor Wat (all day). Night market visit (evening)
Saturday, 3-19: Travel to Penohm Pehn. The tour company has booked a trip to the casino since it is a popular destination with Vietnamese tourists. Since we will not arrive there until evening there will probably not be much else to do.
Sunday, 3-20; Go to the large Pagoda in Penohm Pehn. The rest of the group will go to the main market in town, but Kathy and I are going to take a tuk-tuk to the killing fields memorial. Our tour guide said that it used to be a part of the tour, but that people who went on the tour became too sad. I guess that's why they added the casino then. We then will return to HCMC that evening.
Monday and Tuesday: 3/21-22: I'm not quite sure what will happen these days. I know that Kathy would like to visit a hospital in HCMC. Due to a miscommunication the University had us leaving on the 21st instead of the 23rd. I'm sure we can find something to do.
I'm not sure when I'll have time and access to the internet next, but I'll try to send out another update.
Martin Eltzroth
We've arrived safely in Siem Reap, Cambodia. The trip took around 11 1/2 hours, including about two and a half hours of stops for breakfast and lunch. We covered approximately 500 km. Cambodia is so much different than Vietnam. There aren't nearly as many fruit producing trees, and the traffic is a small fraction of what it was in Vietnam. The country isn't nearly as developed, which is quite understandable due to the US B-52 bombings, Khmer Rouge rule, and subsequent invasion by Vietnam. I have also noticed a lot of humanitarian aid here. There are signs advertising USAID along with other organizations. I also saw what looked to be a food truck distributing food to families. I doubt if I will see much of this in Siem Reap since it is such a tourist town.
I haven't had much interaction with the people yet since we just arrived about an hour ago. Tomorrow we will go to Angkor Wat and visit all of the temples. It looks like such an amazing place.
We spent the previous two days in the Mekong Delta region of Vietnam, where we spent around 3-4 hours by boat touring the region. Riding in a vehicle on the roads is not very fun. I'm sure that auto manufacturers have to find some different ways to pitch their products since the roads are so congested and bumpy. Í fight motion sickness most of the time on the road.
One thing that really surprises me here is the lack of protections for the average citizen. The plumbing and electrical systems in Vietnam have been very scary. Lines from telephone poles can dip within about 5 feet of a sidewalk. We have often seen children sandwiched between two parents on a single motorbike. And they rarely wear helmets! When we toured a couple sweatshops near Ho Chi Minh City we saw so many potentially dangerous situations for workers! I also need to ignore how my food is prepared; even in the better restaurants. Richard mentioned that raw beef was left on the "clean" floor in a restaurant we ate at yesterday for lunch (thankfully I'm not sick yet.) I can't imagine the level of fines that OSHA and the FDA would hand out if these were in the USA.
We only have 5 full days left here in Cambodia and Vietnam. Here's a rough agenda for the remaining days.
Friday, 3-18: Visit Angkor Wat (all day). Night market visit (evening)
Saturday, 3-19: Travel to Penohm Pehn. The tour company has booked a trip to the casino since it is a popular destination with Vietnamese tourists. Since we will not arrive there until evening there will probably not be much else to do.
Sunday, 3-20; Go to the large Pagoda in Penohm Pehn. The rest of the group will go to the main market in town, but Kathy and I are going to take a tuk-tuk to the killing fields memorial. Our tour guide said that it used to be a part of the tour, but that people who went on the tour became too sad. I guess that's why they added the casino then. We then will return to HCMC that evening.
Monday and Tuesday: 3/21-22: I'm not quite sure what will happen these days. I know that Kathy would like to visit a hospital in HCMC. Due to a miscommunication the University had us leaving on the 21st instead of the 23rd. I'm sure we can find something to do.
I'm not sure when I'll have time and access to the internet next, but I'll try to send out another update.
Martin Eltzroth
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Martin's Travels
Here is part of an e-mail Martin sent me the other night from Vietnam (he is there on a faculty trip with the Michigan Global Awareness Consortium):
"One very cool thing happened today so far...I found out that a Christian church is located in front of our hotel. I think I'm going to try to go to an English service at 5pm today if we are back from our trip outside the city. I was talking with some of the people at the church at it has been around for 4 years. It looks like a somewhat charasmatic church. I'm curious as to how they "do" church here.
Well some of my fellow travelers are starting to get sick. Eric has been sick since yesterday afternoon, and Kathy was feeling sick this morning. Today we're going to a neighboring province, tomorrow we're going to the Chu Chi tunnels and then to a formal dinner. Tuesday and Wednesday we are going to the Mekong Delta. I think we're going to see some floating cities there! Thursday we leave for Cambodia. We'll be in Angor on Friday, and then in Penohm Penh on Saturday, and drive back to Saigon on Sunday.
One slight problem is that Open U had us leaving on the 21st, but we do not leave until the 23rd. I think I can find something to do.
Before I came here I heard people mention how nice, polite, and sincere the Vietnamese people are. I think that's an understatement. I feel very welcomed here even though the only thing I can say confidently in Vietnamese is "Sorry". :-)
Anyway, the day is about to begin. I love you very much, and I miss you alot!
sorry, gotta go. My ride just arrived.
I MISS YOU.
Martin"
I never would have predicted how MUCH I miss him! We have busy schedules, but our paths cross even at work more than I realize. When one of us is driving to or from somewhere, we call the other to chat. When I was driving home from Bay City on Sunday, I hated that I could not just call him and tell him about what I thought of the PRIDE training session I had just attended. It was so weird to think that he was probably sound asleep on the other side of the world!
So far - no bats in the house!
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Dogs and Bats and Nets
Last week we had an adventure with a bat. I did not want an adventure with a bat. It was finals week, I had plenty to do!
I never saw a bat up close until I moved into this house. In fact, I don't remember encountering bats until I moved into Michigan. When we first moved in, I noticed Shasta kept going over to our VCR and sniffing around. It sat on the cover for the storage area for the wood bin, so it connected to the garage. Long ago, the previous owners converted the fire place to gas, so there is not use for it anymore. Except as an entry point for bats. I suddenly noticed this little brown head that kept peeking up. I FREAKED out, managed to scare it back into the wood box and Martin sealed it off from the house side. I recall him telling me to put on a hat. I said "why"?, and he said "because you don't want it getting caught in your hair". That just about did me in. Another time he noticed one swooping around one evening. He was afraid to tell me, but eventually had to. The next day, while cleaning the living room, I discovered it sleeping from the beam on the ceiling. Martin managed to get it out of the house.
This latest escapade began last Wednesday night. Martin had been gone, and I had thought it curious that Shasta was not hanging out around the family room couches with Maggie and I. Now I think she was sniffing out the bat. Shortly after Martin got home, I noticed something swoop out of the corner of my eye and both dogs leaped into the air. It swooped again and I realized what it was, and the dogs excitedly tried to catch it so Martin hurried them out the back door and then ran for something, leaving me in the room with the bat. I realized it had fallen into one of my plants and was now creeping down the side of the pot. Then it fell to the ground - which made me think it was stunned or hurt. I was screaming for Martin to HURRY UP, then threw HIS coat over it. That didn't work, it creeped out and hid under some papers, then almost got under some storage bins. I knew it could head into our game storage cabinet so I was trying to direct Martin with his net. Then I really looked at the net. The net with the HUGE holes intended to catch a very small bat! So then he threw the stock pot over it. We got our bearings and then I got the net close to the pot, and we sort of just threw all of it out the back door (by this time we had put the dogs upstairs). Then we stood at the window staring at the net, trying to figure out if the bat was gone.
The next afternoon, I noticed Shasta and Maggie - well, their butts I should say, as they tried to crawl under the step from the deck. I couldn't figure out what was so fascinating to them that they would get themselves stuck under the step. Whenever I tried to peek under, in their excitement they would either knock me over, lick my face, or push me out of the way. Shasta was barking a bark I had never knew before. FINALLY, I got a peek. Now I know that Shasta has a "I found a bat" bark. Apparently, the poor bat must have crawled through the boards on the deck, and eventually fell asleep under the step. I tried to just keep the dogs in the house until evening, and hoped the bat would fly away that night (AFTER eating as many mosquitoes in the back yard as possible).
Friday morning, I noticed Maggie playing with something (JANE - quit reading now!). She always plays with whatever so I didn't think much of it. She eventually wanted in, and just hung around the family room. Some time later, I happened to glance over at what looked like a leaf on the floor. You can guess the rest. I screamed for Martin and he disposed of it, so our next adventure was a trip to the Vet. Dr. McNeilly seemed not too concerned, and a little amused, and gave them both their rabies booster. We went ahead and did their yearly shots and heart worm test, so that bat turned out to be VERY expensive for us!
Please, God, don't let any bats come in the house while Martin is away!
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Senseless messes
This morning, while I set up my visual aids for class, I could hear 3 of my students talking quietly in the back row about the shootings at Virginia Tech. They were sharing what they had heard most recently, trying to make sense out of a senseless event.
Usually, I try to chime in to student discussion to make connections with them. But this morning I pretended not to hear. I couldn't even begin to talk about this horrible tragedy with them. I kept thinking about the brave professors who sacrificed their lives for their students. What would I do? Here I was in a personality psychology class, but knowing psychology has no real meaningful answers.
At that time, they had not released any information about the shooter. By the time class was over, the news shows were all showing his picture, and were gathering their soundbites from neighbors and fellow students. No surprise - a loner who was angry. I'm sure in coming days we will hear speculations about his parents, his mental health, the music he listens to, the "warning signs" that someone should have paid attention to (as if anyone could predict such an event), the video games he plays, etc., all to try to come up with an answer so that 1) we have someone or something to blame; 2) we can assure ourselves it would never happen to us.
Usually, I try to chime in to student discussion to make connections with them. But this morning I pretended not to hear. I couldn't even begin to talk about this horrible tragedy with them. I kept thinking about the brave professors who sacrificed their lives for their students. What would I do? Here I was in a personality psychology class, but knowing psychology has no real meaningful answers.
At that time, they had not released any information about the shooter. By the time class was over, the news shows were all showing his picture, and were gathering their soundbites from neighbors and fellow students. No surprise - a loner who was angry. I'm sure in coming days we will hear speculations about his parents, his mental health, the music he listens to, the "warning signs" that someone should have paid attention to (as if anyone could predict such an event), the video games he plays, etc., all to try to come up with an answer so that 1) we have someone or something to blame; 2) we can assure ourselves it would never happen to us.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Pride training
Isn't that a funny name - like you are in training to have Pride?
That is the title of the training Martin and I are doing regarding foster adoption. It is an acronym for something, but I guess I am a bad student because I cannot remember what it stands for. Parents something something...
We started last Monday, and had our second session last night. We are in a class with about 16 other potential foster or adoptive parents. It is generating more questions for us even as it answers others. It is generating more questions than answering!
I know a lot of you want detailed answers about how everything works - but right now we just don't fully know ourselves. The state requires training, this program fulfills that. We think we have to be licensed as a foster home in order to adopt through the state ward program. We think we have to also work through private agencies for family assessment, but that is also not clear. Of course, we are being strongly encouraged to be foster parents and to be open to older children. But, selfishly, I want kids in my home longer than a few years!
I have so many practical questions as well as the philosophical and psychological questions. Like - what do you do if you get a call in the middle of the night because a toddler needs a foster home? Do you just keep a car seat in case of emergency? The foster Mom who is the co trainer said "Yep". She said she had EVERYTHING - furniture, clothes of all sizes, a crib, a car seat. But not diapers, so when they got a last minute call on a Friday evening, they had to stop for diapers on the way home. Better than having to do that in the middle of the night! She also asked me bluntly "Is your heart strong enough to see some kids come and leave again?". Does anyone really know that of themselves for sure? And do you really want to be "strong" enough to be okay with that?
I just have to keep going back to the basics. We are loving people, Martin will be a great Dad, I think I could be a great Mom, we have a LOT to give, and God told us to love the orphans and the oppressed! I don't have to have all the details figured out right NOW - and maybe I need to accept that I probably NEVER WILL!
That is the title of the training Martin and I are doing regarding foster adoption. It is an acronym for something, but I guess I am a bad student because I cannot remember what it stands for. Parents something something...
We started last Monday, and had our second session last night. We are in a class with about 16 other potential foster or adoptive parents. It is generating more questions for us even as it answers others. It is generating more questions than answering!
I know a lot of you want detailed answers about how everything works - but right now we just don't fully know ourselves. The state requires training, this program fulfills that. We think we have to be licensed as a foster home in order to adopt through the state ward program. We think we have to also work through private agencies for family assessment, but that is also not clear. Of course, we are being strongly encouraged to be foster parents and to be open to older children. But, selfishly, I want kids in my home longer than a few years!
I have so many practical questions as well as the philosophical and psychological questions. Like - what do you do if you get a call in the middle of the night because a toddler needs a foster home? Do you just keep a car seat in case of emergency? The foster Mom who is the co trainer said "Yep". She said she had EVERYTHING - furniture, clothes of all sizes, a crib, a car seat. But not diapers, so when they got a last minute call on a Friday evening, they had to stop for diapers on the way home. Better than having to do that in the middle of the night! She also asked me bluntly "Is your heart strong enough to see some kids come and leave again?". Does anyone really know that of themselves for sure? And do you really want to be "strong" enough to be okay with that?
I just have to keep going back to the basics. We are loving people, Martin will be a great Dad, I think I could be a great Mom, we have a LOT to give, and God told us to love the orphans and the oppressed! I don't have to have all the details figured out right NOW - and maybe I need to accept that I probably NEVER WILL!
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Travels, Training, and Teaching
It seems to finally be spring here in mid-Michigan. Just about all of the snow has melted - it is completely gone from our yard. My daffodils are pushing through, I'm glad I had time to rake away the leaves leftover from last fall and uncovered some that were pale green from lake of sun. I wish we had found the time to plant the crocus bulbs last fall! One of our neighbors planted bulbs all over one of her flower beds, so she has a generous sprinkling of purple throughout the shrubs!
Martin and I were in Illinois last weekend, he attended the 2 Year Chemistry College instructor conference hosted by Joliet JC. I used the opportunity to be free of distractions for an entire 1 1/2 days and got a lot of grading done, it is so easy to have the piles get high on my on-line courses! We took our time getting back - hitting a Trader Joe's and a Bass Pro Shop on the way home. I found myself looking at larger tents, sleeping bags, etc., thinking if we can adopt this year we will need more room on our camping trips! We used the college mini-van, and I found myself thinking how great the space was!
So, on our return we hit the phone again. We are registered for "PRIDE" training beginning next week, part of the required foster parent training we must do to adopt through the state ward program. I hate that term "state ward" - it makes the children sound like property!
We are on the downhill side of the semester, if you think about running downhill you can get the idea of the possibility of things rapidly getting out of control! Hopefully, that will not happen as we try to finish the semester with transformed students, but still a balanced happy home life!
It does look like Martin will get to go to Vietnam with other MI CC teachers in May! It is my summer to bring home the bacon - I'll be teaching a class for CMU in May, a class here at MMCC on-line through the summer, and reading AP Psychology tests in June for a week for Education Testing Services (I'll be in Louisville! Yee ha!). I'm also going to take an on line course beginning in June - a graduate level course through the Univerity of New Hampshire! I'm very excited about that!
Martin and I were in Illinois last weekend, he attended the 2 Year Chemistry College instructor conference hosted by Joliet JC. I used the opportunity to be free of distractions for an entire 1 1/2 days and got a lot of grading done, it is so easy to have the piles get high on my on-line courses! We took our time getting back - hitting a Trader Joe's and a Bass Pro Shop on the way home. I found myself looking at larger tents, sleeping bags, etc., thinking if we can adopt this year we will need more room on our camping trips! We used the college mini-van, and I found myself thinking how great the space was!
So, on our return we hit the phone again. We are registered for "PRIDE" training beginning next week, part of the required foster parent training we must do to adopt through the state ward program. I hate that term "state ward" - it makes the children sound like property!
We are on the downhill side of the semester, if you think about running downhill you can get the idea of the possibility of things rapidly getting out of control! Hopefully, that will not happen as we try to finish the semester with transformed students, but still a balanced happy home life!
It does look like Martin will get to go to Vietnam with other MI CC teachers in May! It is my summer to bring home the bacon - I'll be teaching a class for CMU in May, a class here at MMCC on-line through the summer, and reading AP Psychology tests in June for a week for Education Testing Services (I'll be in Louisville! Yee ha!). I'm also going to take an on line course beginning in June - a graduate level course through the Univerity of New Hampshire! I'm very excited about that!
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Updates for Danny, Aunt Kathy, Katey, and me!
Hello!
Martin and I spent last week (our spring break) in Port Orchard WA to see my side of the family. It was a relief to get away from the snow! We had a lot of storms in MI the week before we left, and actually had some class cancellations because of the weather! Though it rained much of the week, there were 2 days of really nice weather!
Danny was not feeling too great for about 1/2 our visit. For his last 2 treatments, he had a drug that was harder on his body. He had switched to it because of the neuropathy he was developing from Taxol, but the new drug (Taxotere?) made him more tired, more nauseaus, and changed his taste. While we were there, he was getting his taste sense back. Next week, he starts another new drug - my oncology nurses said the drug has only been our for about 6 months and that their patients getting it said it isn't as rough as other chemo drugs.
Aunt Kathy got news while we were there that there is a new small spot on her spine, so she will have some changes in her treatment. Though it isn't great she has a new tumor, I think everyone was fearful that it was going to be worse news, and she is still much better off than a year ago when cancer seemed to be "everywhere".
Katey, our baby niece, is back in the hospital this morning. She has been vomiting, and Billie told me yesterday that she was on medication for acid reflux. But I guess this morning she was much worse, and what Martin has heard is that she is in the NICU at Sparrow today.
For me, I've had GREAT news. I had my 3 month check up with Dr. Roy, and my blood test was great. He monitors what is called the 'CEA level' - which is a rough indicator of tumor activity in your body. Mine was very low - he said it is the lowest he has seen in a patient for awhile! (This is the same blood test that caused Aunt Kathy's doctors to repeat her scans last week - her marker was rising). He will see me again in 3 months, and every 3 months for few years. I also saw Dr. Gollish, my surgeon, this morning. He had scheduled a follow up for a few months after my colonoscopy to make sure everything was going okay. I don't need to see him for another year, when he will want to do another colonoscopy. He gave me a prescription for a steroid cream to help the healing process for my scar from my port. It has a "healing ridge" as Christy, his nurse (and wife) put it, and she said I should not expose it to sun for a year because it is such new tissue. Like I want everyone seeing my scar exposed this summer...ha!
On the adoption front...Martin and I are still learning to navigate the "system". We hear the statistics about the # of kids in our state foster system who are eligible for adoption, so we imagined the process going quickly. But the agency we were referred to is not taking any new families at this time. They suggested in the meantime we do the foster parent training that we will be required to do, and they will put us on a wait list for a family assessment in the meantime. So, we may look into another agency and also look into that training to see if there are any current training programs in our area.
All for now!
Kel
Martin and I spent last week (our spring break) in Port Orchard WA to see my side of the family. It was a relief to get away from the snow! We had a lot of storms in MI the week before we left, and actually had some class cancellations because of the weather! Though it rained much of the week, there were 2 days of really nice weather!
Danny was not feeling too great for about 1/2 our visit. For his last 2 treatments, he had a drug that was harder on his body. He had switched to it because of the neuropathy he was developing from Taxol, but the new drug (Taxotere?) made him more tired, more nauseaus, and changed his taste. While we were there, he was getting his taste sense back. Next week, he starts another new drug - my oncology nurses said the drug has only been our for about 6 months and that their patients getting it said it isn't as rough as other chemo drugs.
Aunt Kathy got news while we were there that there is a new small spot on her spine, so she will have some changes in her treatment. Though it isn't great she has a new tumor, I think everyone was fearful that it was going to be worse news, and she is still much better off than a year ago when cancer seemed to be "everywhere".
Katey, our baby niece, is back in the hospital this morning. She has been vomiting, and Billie told me yesterday that she was on medication for acid reflux. But I guess this morning she was much worse, and what Martin has heard is that she is in the NICU at Sparrow today.
For me, I've had GREAT news. I had my 3 month check up with Dr. Roy, and my blood test was great. He monitors what is called the 'CEA level' - which is a rough indicator of tumor activity in your body. Mine was very low - he said it is the lowest he has seen in a patient for awhile! (This is the same blood test that caused Aunt Kathy's doctors to repeat her scans last week - her marker was rising). He will see me again in 3 months, and every 3 months for few years. I also saw Dr. Gollish, my surgeon, this morning. He had scheduled a follow up for a few months after my colonoscopy to make sure everything was going okay. I don't need to see him for another year, when he will want to do another colonoscopy. He gave me a prescription for a steroid cream to help the healing process for my scar from my port. It has a "healing ridge" as Christy, his nurse (and wife) put it, and she said I should not expose it to sun for a year because it is such new tissue. Like I want everyone seeing my scar exposed this summer...ha!
On the adoption front...Martin and I are still learning to navigate the "system". We hear the statistics about the # of kids in our state foster system who are eligible for adoption, so we imagined the process going quickly. But the agency we were referred to is not taking any new families at this time. They suggested in the meantime we do the foster parent training that we will be required to do, and they will put us on a wait list for a family assessment in the meantime. So, we may look into another agency and also look into that training to see if there are any current training programs in our area.
All for now!
Kel
Monday, February 12, 2007
Marriage and Work
Neither of us has posted for awhile, we have fallen back into the routines of work, eat, play a little, sleep, work again and have not had much time for reflection or for updates.
I keep thinking about a message we heard in January called Good to Great. It challenged us both to think about what "good" things are in our life, that are actually barriers to the "GREAT" Things we want to have. Work is good, in fact many things are GREAT. We both have jobs that have meaning. But it is so easy to let it be the center of our lives instead of God, and to let it become THE top priority instead of our marriage, our family, our community. It is challenging to find the balance because as teachers at a community college that serves a rural, poverty-stricken community - our work has a direct influence on so many individuals and families. Just today, I pulled out of a committee, and as I type this saw that I just got an e-mail with the subtle message that I should not leave the committee. I'm "abandoning" it...It isn't easy to leave behind the good to go after the GREAT because others may hold you back, or your own guilt holds you back!
Martin and I joined a marriage class at church that started yesterday morning. The teachers quoted a statistic that the divorce rate for couples who pray together is only about 1%! Last night, Martin and I prayed together for the first time in a long time. When we were done, he said "so what was our homework for the marriage class". I chuckled - it was to pray together every day! So we got one day of homework done!
I keep thinking about a message we heard in January called Good to Great. It challenged us both to think about what "good" things are in our life, that are actually barriers to the "GREAT" Things we want to have. Work is good, in fact many things are GREAT. We both have jobs that have meaning. But it is so easy to let it be the center of our lives instead of God, and to let it become THE top priority instead of our marriage, our family, our community. It is challenging to find the balance because as teachers at a community college that serves a rural, poverty-stricken community - our work has a direct influence on so many individuals and families. Just today, I pulled out of a committee, and as I type this saw that I just got an e-mail with the subtle message that I should not leave the committee. I'm "abandoning" it...It isn't easy to leave behind the good to go after the GREAT because others may hold you back, or your own guilt holds you back!
Martin and I joined a marriage class at church that started yesterday morning. The teachers quoted a statistic that the divorce rate for couples who pray together is only about 1%! Last night, Martin and I prayed together for the first time in a long time. When we were done, he said "so what was our homework for the marriage class". I chuckled - it was to pray together every day! So we got one day of homework done!
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
One of those e-mail forwards that DO make me laugh!
Forwarded to me by my friend Tom I.
20 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car with Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label it "In".
5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Smuggling Diamonds".
7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy".
8. Don't use any punctuation.
9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go".
12. Sing Along At The Opera.
13. Go To A Poetry Recital. And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.
15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party
Because You're Not In The Mood.
16. Hav e Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.
17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!"
18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!"
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."
20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity ...
Send This E-mail To Someone To Make Them Smile.
It's Called ... therapy.
20 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car with Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label it "In".
5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Smuggling Diamonds".
7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy".
8. Don't use any punctuation.
9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go".
12. Sing Along At The Opera.
13. Go To A Poetry Recital. And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.
15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party
Because You're Not In The Mood.
16. Hav e Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.
17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!"
18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!"
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."
20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity ...
Send This E-mail To Someone To Make Them Smile.
It's Called ... therapy.
Monday, January 29, 2007
Priorities
My friend Sherene presented a workshop last weekend about getting balance in our life. I have heard her present the information before, and in fact when I have my monthly lunch date with her we encourage more balance in our lives. But I still get challenged because it is a continuing struggle to keep my life balanced!
One of our exercises was to list our priorities for our Spiritual Life, Family life, and Work. I smiled to myself at having listed the "right" priorities (oh, the perfectionist student in me still lives!). I mean, I have made improvements. I'm learning to focus on what is within my "sphere of influence" at work, for example. I get asked to be on committees or take on projects often, and I'm saying no so I can focus on what I am really great at doing. I'm also refusing to take on others' responsibilities or to take the blame if they don't get their work done.
But then, Sherene said "now - evaluate whether how you spend your time is reflecting your top priorities". Uff! If you looked at how I spend my time outside of work, you would think my top priorities are Sudoku, television, and the internet! Sudoku can be good to keep the mind sharp - but once in awhile! Television can offer some entertainment and even some education - but do I need as much as I'm taking in? The internet is great - I'm connecting with people I may not otherwise be able to. But what about connecting with Martin?
So, in this first month of a new semester, I am trying to change my schedule to reflect what I truly want to prioritize in my life! As another speaker challenged us at the same conference - we are looking at taking out some good to get to GREAT!
Where are your priorities? Post a comment!
One of our exercises was to list our priorities for our Spiritual Life, Family life, and Work. I smiled to myself at having listed the "right" priorities (oh, the perfectionist student in me still lives!). I mean, I have made improvements. I'm learning to focus on what is within my "sphere of influence" at work, for example. I get asked to be on committees or take on projects often, and I'm saying no so I can focus on what I am really great at doing. I'm also refusing to take on others' responsibilities or to take the blame if they don't get their work done.
But then, Sherene said "now - evaluate whether how you spend your time is reflecting your top priorities". Uff! If you looked at how I spend my time outside of work, you would think my top priorities are Sudoku, television, and the internet! Sudoku can be good to keep the mind sharp - but once in awhile! Television can offer some entertainment and even some education - but do I need as much as I'm taking in? The internet is great - I'm connecting with people I may not otherwise be able to. But what about connecting with Martin?
So, in this first month of a new semester, I am trying to change my schedule to reflect what I truly want to prioritize in my life! As another speaker challenged us at the same conference - we are looking at taking out some good to get to GREAT!
Where are your priorities? Post a comment!
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