Autonomy

Today I finished up a module in my Intro to Psych course about Human Development and Personality. I've collected great photos over the years of our family, especially our nieces and nephews, that provide great visuals of these developmental phases. Let me be clear, family, that I'm not using you as examples of "abnormal" psychology - but using photos that exemplify our changes in our lives! :)

One of the pictures I used in my lecture today was a family favorite from Christmas of 2006, when Sarah was almost 2 years old. She was entering "preoperational" thought - that great time of magical thinking and games of "pretend", and she was in the social stage of development of autonomy, of trying to do things on her own, of her own volition, and doing things for herself. Spencer was also in that preoperational stage, and socially in the stage of initiative, learning to initiate tasks and carry out plans. And Papa, he was in the stage of generativity - where we think about our legacy through our children, grandchildren and community; and perhaps with his cancer diagnosis was even moving into the stage of "integrity" - doing a life review and ending with a sense that all was done that needed to be done. So what does all that psychology speak mean? It means a great memory, captured by our cameras, of a special moment in time. A special Christmas that will be told about for the rest of our lives! A time when an toddler and a preschooler did a rock concert for six adults, transforming their living room into a stage and us into groupies. It means a picture worth more than a MILLION words:

lots on my mind...

Today, Friday, is supposed to be my day to catch up on grading and errands. But my mind is wrapped up on the events of the week. Not only the victories and disappointments of the elections, a change in my attitude about political involvement, a call to prayer for my country and its leaders (local, state and national!), but also our progress in adoption. So, as I love to do, I thought I would process out some of that through writing. Its on my mind and preventing work anyway!

Careful questions and direct questions have been coming our way again about what is happening with our adoption progress, so that will be the subject of THIS post. We have completed and been approved for our family study. We weren’t sure what happened from there – do we start calling our social worker at the agency? Do we start inquiring about children we know in the state’s database? Or do we wait for them to initiate? We decided if we had not heard from our S.W. by yesterday, we would call her on Friday. Well, Wednesday when we got home from work we had a call from the agency and the message included that our social worker is doing a lot of training for a few weeks (she is new to the agency), so her supervisor was handling our file for now. Another social worker in the same agency, different office, had seen our file and was inquiring about our interest in one of her cases. Before you get excited, we are not pursuing this one, but I still wanted to share this with you because of how it affected us to read our first child assessment.

1. Excitement – wow things are starting to move!

2. Fear – Wow things are starting to move!

3. Sadness – we realized which children this inquiry was about and that we had read a brief profile on them, so we were aware of some possible severe issues. But we agreed to see their case report. Because of their privacy, I won’t share with you what we learned, but suffice to say we were heartbroken over what transpired in this particular case. I (Kelley) even retreated into a shell for a little while, overwhelmed with what I had read and wondering if this path to adopt from the foster system was/is really something Martin and I can handle.

4. Guilt – at least on my part. We signed up for this, but we want to say no? Will there be another family for these kids? Will they be okay? But it came down to a sense of peace finally when I framed the decision of what is best for THEM, and we are not it. Not for this particular case.

5. Resolve – we have talked many hours in the last few days, once again thinking about who we are and what we have to offer. This has led to us opening up more to considering a child a little older than we originally said. This decision was led by Martin, who has been gently asking me to think about this actually for a few weeks now.

6. Initiative – we looked through the database some more with new eyes and began to generate a list of children that we may be a better match for, and so when we called the agency today to say “no” to the first case (our worker was VERY understanding), we asked if we could take the initiative to inquire on some cases. She is very helpful at helping us interpret clues in the public profiles and what the terms mean, who generates the descriptions, etc.

We ask you for a few things. First, be patient! This could be a long process! There is a lot of back and forth of sharing of information before we even have an opportunity to meet a child(ren). Second, be understanding that we will not be sharing details about a child’s background and won’t be sharing every step. They deserve their privacy of course, so if you feel in the dark it is not because we are shutting anyone out. Third – and probably MOST important – please pray for us and our future kids, for courage, wisdom, discernment, and peace. And finally, also very important, consider the fields of the fatherless around YOU. How can you help hurting kids around you? Prayer? Mentoring? Supporting foster and adoptive families in some way? Volunteer work? Or, perhaps, even to consider fostering or adoption yourself…?

A study of our family!

Martin and I have seen a draft of our family study now. I can't explain how strange it is to read about your home, your marriage, your biography, and your potential parenting abilities written from the perspective of another person. Even though we provided all of the information that is in the report, it is still written in the "voice" of another. In some ways, it is quite uncomfortable. We feel vulnerable, naked, laid bare...

Yesterday in my (Kelley) Bible study, we had some discussion of how intimately God knows us. God is always aware of what is really in our hearts. We are studying the era of the Kings and Prophets in Judaic history. After the ancient Northern Kingdom was lost, the southern Kingdom (Judah) still went on for awhile. God continued to warn them through His prophets that they needed to turn back to him. Under a godly King, Josiah, the people renewed their covenant with the Lord and began to celebrate His festivals again, including the most elaborate Passover celebration that had ever been done. Yet God still said that Judah was going to be disciplined because of the sins of Manasseh (Josiah's grandfather). Other scriptures that reference to this time say it is because God knew that the people of Judah had not turned to Him with their WHOLE hearts, they had held back. And because He examines not the outward appearance, but the heart, He knew that.

So as vulnerable and uncomfortable as I feel that social workers will be reading this family study, it occurs to me that I don't have the same fear, trembling, or awe towards God who knows me even more than that. God is bigger, more powerful, more Holy than any other being, but my indifference to His Word, His ways, His will is as if he is no more powerful than a carved idol from stone. Yesterday we reviewed all the places in the prophet Jeremiah that refer to our hearts - how stubborn we are, how we just go after our own designs, how we make idols of other things rather than worship God, how our hearts need to be circumcised and made new.

I'm finding that many aspects of this process of adoption are causing me to see my relationship with God and His love for me in very different ways. I'll probably be writing more about that! But I know that some of you also want to know more about what I mentioned at the beginning - that our family study is almost done! So, here's what should be happening...

We reviewed that study and this morning I talked to a social worker at our agency about some clarifications that were needed in the study. Most of these were in the "maternal" section of the report (meaning me - Kelley - the maternal one...wow!) because my life history is much more confusing than Martin's apparently! Trying to keep straight my family's chronology is...well...a challenge to someone who has never heard it before - ha ha! Anyway, tomorrow we will get hopefully the FINAL draft and after we look it over one more time we hope to be able to sign it and say "yep, that's us". THEN, it goes to our social worker who works here in Clare (haven't met her yet). From there...apparently our file can be shared with our agency headquarters to see if we may be a match for any of the kids on their caseload. We can also inquire about children who are caseloads at other agencies, usually through a state database. If that happens, our files have to go back and forth through the social workers before we actually may even meet any children. So, hang on, this doesn't go very quickly usually! Be patient, and in the meantime please pray for our kid(s) who are out there somewhere, also waiting...for us...and for you...our family and friends! Oh, so in case it STILL isn't clear, then yes - it seems we have passed this stage. It finally clicked with me today that even with little details that needed to be fixed to make the report very accurate - the gist of the report is that we are recommended to adopt! I was missing the forest for the trees I guess! When the s.w. was telling me future steps, it dawned on me she wasn't saying "if", she was saying WHEN!

Waiting game

We have had quite a few questions from family and friends about the family study! I guess you all get to experience the hurry up and wait process with us!

We finished our 2 meetings in our home with a social worker. He seemed very positive about how he would write his report. He forewarned us that he would be at a conference all of last week so he didn't expect to have our report done any earlier than this week. He HAS to be done by mid-Oct in order to be paid (he is a contract worker with our agency), so he is motivated to get finished also ;). We will get to see his report and sign off on it before he turns it in. I know you all want to know "how long before you adopt after that". You can guess that answer. It depends...

Through this experience we have been learning, and continue to learn, that God often tells us the WHAT he is calling us to, but doesn't always reveal the WHEN. Remember it was almost exactly 3 years ago that Martin and I felt we had a clear calling to adopt. We assumed at that time we would adopt an infant within that year. Then a few months later we had the devastating news that I had cancer again. I was crushed, wondering if I had NOT heard from God after all. But our hearts, the Word of God, the community of Christ followers around us, and the circumstances in our lives continue to point to our call to be parents. He has given us a heart for the fatherless - His heart. It is His call to the entire Church, and some of us fulfill that by adoption.

The delay had many purposes, one was for us to think through more HOW we would adopt and we realized we are not called to adopt the voluntarily placed infant. Through this time He has also prepared us through training provided by the state, led us to an agency that specializes in what we want to do, shown us mercy through loss - the same mercy we will need to have for our future children, and I think has even worked on the hearts of particular family and friends to be ready to extend love in very special ways to our family. We have always had confidence that our children will be accepted and loved by both our families. But events on both sides in the last few years has given all of us (grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins) I think a bigger sense of mission and purpose for what we embark on now!

So, if you get impatient, remember that Abraham and Sarah had to wait MUCH longer than this for their promised Isaac. We are not going to grab at Ishmael - we will wait for our "Isaac" - for God's plan. And in the meantime rejoice that we are not 75 years old and trying to do this!

Happy Birthday Martin!

Today is Martin's 36th birthday. I teased him this morning that he is on the downhill slide towards 40 now, and he teased back that he is just following my lead.

Anyone that knows him can't help but see that Martin is one of the friendliest people they will ever meet. I am so blessed by him everyday, and it is such an honor to know him like no one else does. As an ode to Martin's 36 years, I made a list of 36 things I love about Martin. Of course, there are countless things I love about him, but I have years to tell you about that!

1. He is a man after God’s heart, especially when it comes to loving the orphan, the widow, the refugee, and the hurting
2. His big brown eyes
3. His kissable mouth
4. The way he hugs
5. He loves to spark kids’ curiousity
6. He is playful
7. He is creative
8. How patient he is when he teaches students Chemistry
9. He is curious
10. His willingness to do the icky jobs in our renovations, like taking out toilets and mudding walls
11. He loves dogs
12. His passion for what interests him (like football, the ecology, yogurt, baking, music)
13. He likes to learn new things
14. He shovels our whole driveway in the winter without complaining that I rarely help him
15. He picks up dog poo in the backyard so I can get done mowing faster
16. He makes a great pot of coffee
17. He has a quirky sense of humor
18. He is really patient with me when I am moody
19. He gets up with the dogs in the morning so I can sleep a little while longer
20. He lets me keep feeding birds even though it draws water fowl and squirrels into our yard
21. He thinks I’m beautiful and sexy even though I do not fit the “ideal” of beauty today
22. He is merciful to people who are ill, hurting, poor, hungry, sad, lonely, etc.
23. He is one of those guys who is the friend to other guys that they can call when they need to talk or cry and he never makes them feel weak for doing it.
24. He didn’t give up on the Lions until TODAY after years of hope – he is THAT loyal!
25. He kills spiders and other bugs for me
26. He doesn’t make me feel bad when my leg twitching disturbs his sleep
27. He loves ethnic food
28. He has a beautiful singing voice
29. He confronts me when I’m being a jerk
30. He stood with my family in the most difficult days we faced
31. He has stood by me in sickness and in health
32. He makes me feel significant
33. He loves his family
34. He loves the food I cook, but isn’t afraid to be honest if it didn’t turn out right so I don’t waste my time making something he didn’t like again!
35. He makes me popcorn the old-fashioned way
36. And he’s really good at…okay that’s private!

Martin - I love you! Happy Birthday,

Kel

Vinyl Spackle vs. Light Compound

Our little renovation project is so much more complicated than I could imagine. We had such a busy week that we have only worked on it here and there a little bit. So far we have:

1. Taken out toilet, sink, and vanity and removed the door.
2. Taken out all tile
3. Killed all mildew
4. Stripped off 2 layers of wall paper (including the ceiling - oh and to top it off, the other layer of wall paper was the SAME wallpaper as the top layer!) and scraped off wall paper glue
5. Pulled out paneling

Martin is currently trying to repair the walls. Where the paneling was (on 2 walls), he needed to repair the tape and drywalling in the corner. Where the paneling was glued in random spots, the drywall paper had torn so he has been working on that. Where the vanity was, he has pulled off glue that helped anchor it, and has been repairing that. Where holes were created when he pulled out the cabinet, he is repairing that. Where there are random "textured" areas on the walls where the wallpaper was, he needs to skim.

So, he was using vinyl compound in some areas and ran out. I thought I would be helpful and volunteer to stop by Ace while doing some other shopping. To ease my stress, I took the empty container with me so I could just point at the container and say "I want this". I also thought I would by a sample "pod" of paint to help me decide on color.

So, after spending way too much time at Punches Pharmacy Plus (the pharmacy part of the store was sold to Walgreen's already - now they are doing massive sells on the gift shop inventory), and already having had a call from Martin wondering why I wasn't back yet, I made it to Ace. I was so relieved when a female employee saw me walk in with the container and said "Oh, I bet you want more of THAT". I'm thinking - "oh, this will be so quick", already eyeing the display of paint "pods". But I made a mistake and asked "Do you have a bigger size"? Then began the questions "Well, are you sure you need more? What are you using it for? Are you sure that is what you want to do? You will probably need a _______ (I don't even know what she said)? Don't you think you want something lighter? Let's go ask _____ "(My brain was already swirling and I can't remember the name of the man who then proceeded to treat me like a dumb woman who doesn't know her way around a hardware store - which is true...). More questions from him until I finally said "I know, I'll call him". Martin answers the phone "let me call you back, someone is at the door". So I stand there with the woman and I looking at each other (What's his face walked away from us silly women). Martin calls back and I try to explain to him what they are telling me, and as I ask the questions they have for him, he says 'uh....uh...(repeat questions back - which means Martin really wasn't paying attention)...uh...". I turn to the women with gritted teeth "He's watching the football game so this may take awhile - he can't multitask". She laughs "I know - it is challenging when you are sent to get things for someone else's project" (I'm embarrassed thinking how these is supposed to be OUR project, not Martin's project). Finally, Martin says just buy the stuff they are telling you to buy (which I think means he really doesn't know but he'll figure it out later, and that he isn't as far as maybe he had led me to believe), so I get the light compound they suggested, and also the small jar of vinyl spackle just in case...(thus the name of this blog post).

Then I go to choose a pod of paint (enough for a 2X2 area). She says "You know, this only covers a 2X2 area?". " "Yes, I know. Don't people buy this precisely for that reason- to test out a color?". "Well, yes, but let me give you this paint chip card". Which I guess means she doesn't like the color I picked out...Oh well, she won't ever be using my bathroom.

I finally get out of there, including buying a candy bar to soothe myself, and still had to go to the friendly neighborhood grocery store which, since the last time I was there, has completely been rearranged. My Diet Rite is where my English Muffins used to be. The English Muffins are where my chips used to be. The garbanzo beans are nowhere near the rest of the beans where I first look. The diced tomatos are no longer with spaghetti sauce. And there are a bunch of portable shelves filled with the items they want to get rid of now that they are rearranged, and the deals are too great to ignore...So much for a quick run to the store...

Missing Danny

"The memory of a good person is a blessing" Proverb 10:7a



We are remembering Danny especially keenly today. A year already has passed since we said our goodbyes to him in person, but we have had so many goodbyes in other ways since then. Each "first" without him is another sort of goodbye. This "first" is hard, the first anniversary of our first day without his smile, his laugh, his hugs, his jokes, his little "neepneep" noise he made when he gave you a little tickle. But never ever without his love -- he gave my Mom, my sisters, my brother, his sons-in-law, his grandchildren, his family and friends, and me a tremendous gift of unconditional love.

Today I held off on the tears, waiting until the pressures of the day were done so I could just think about him. I took a rose from my bush to the dock and wished he could have spent more time at our home in Michigan. I spent some time at the tree we planted in his memory in our yard and wondered about how it will keep growing over the years, marking one more year that we held him in our memories. I watched the DVD of pictures we made last year and wept and laughed, and then wept and laughed some more. I reread the letter I wrote to him this summer when we buried his ashes in Olalla. Here is part of it:

"Even though you were not a religious person, I learned a lot about God from you. That you can be angry with someone and still love them immeasurably. That you can love someone without putting conditions on them. That it is best to put the needs of others first, even if you are tired and sick. That every life is worthy of honor and respect, that people are more important than anything. I think about how you received us with open arms and pure joy whenever any of your kids or grandkids came to visit, and how safe it felt to come “home” into your hugs.

"I miss:
Barbecuing steaks from Al’s
Bringing you a beer
Eating Dove Bars
Talking to you on the phone
Sitting together in the mornings before others woke up, patting each other’s hands and drinking coffee
Sharing recipes once we both realized what great cooks we were
Talking about the future
Laughing at Mom together
Wrapping Mom’s Christmas presents for you
Big Breakfasts
Having you teach me Pinochle AGAIN
Playing Cribbage with you
Having you call me whenever you heard the Cougs had won
Hearing you laugh so hard you snorted
Your silly sayings like “I got all my hairs cut”, and “can’t get up, can’t get out”
Watching you pretend you didn’t like chocolate, cats, dogs, or my jokes
Watching you patiently work on your HoneyDo lists, and just shake your head as she swept the floor AGAIN
Watching you share tender moments with my Mom."

---------------------------------
At the burial I talked about the way I would live my life to honor his life, his legacy. I asked my nieces and nephews to store up all their memories of who Papa was to them so that their stories will make him real to their future cousins that Martin and I and Darren and his future mate will bring into the family. I asked my siblings and their spouses to think about what they would like to carry on in their life to honor him.

Right now the most important thing for Martin and I is to do what he did for my sister Keri and me: "I will try to raise our future children to learn that family is created not by blood, but by love, and with humor and patience I will help them to heal and to grow and to love others". I know he would be so excited at the steps we are taking to add to our family. I just so wish I could talk to him about it...

Kel

Baring our souls to a stranger!

Our family/home study (I'm not sure what they are called anymore - the name is changed as often as the state's department overseeing children's welfare name is changed!) is almost complete! For the last 2 Fridays Martin and I have spent the afternoon with a retired social worker who now spends time in his retirement doing these family studies for our adoption agency. He used to work with juvenile delinquents, so he says he really enjoys meeting potential adoptive families.

Besides checking out our home (cringe at having to show him the bathroom renovation that demanded our attention days before he came and assure him it is JUST mildew, not mold; cringe at Shasta barking at him incessantly while we reassure him she is good with kids; cringe as he almost steps in dog poo while he walks around the yard...); he spent hours asking us about our childhoods and families of origin, how we met, and what our relationship is like. This stranger probably knows more about us than some of our closest friends...we even learned a lot about each other in the process ("really? I never knew that about you? You did what when you were a kid?"). Sometimes it was quite uncomfortable to be talking about our parents, siblings, our school and employment history (Martin and I both took awhile to figure out what we wanted to be when we grew up).

The next immediate step is that he begins to pull together the information he gathered for the report he delivers to the agency. We get to see the report first, and sign off that we agree with the contents. Then he is done with us! From there, we work with the agency to begin the match process. I'm predicting a series of hurry up and waits!

We hear stories now all the time of people who have adopted, and usually these are great stories. I'm astonished at how many people do international adoptions. We also looked into this option, but the biggest adoption secret there is seems to be the number of AMERICAN children who desperately need forever families. We have even heard of Canadian parents adopting American children. The social worker confirmed this is true.

In case you were wondering about something I said above - we discovered a small slow leak into our toilet, and because our tile is old and the grout was wearing out and our floors slant some of that water got under our tile and began to mildew. As we began to investigate the problem, like all house projects the issue got bigger and bigger. First Martin discovered the wood in our vanity was mildewing so he had to take that out. That left a big mess on the walls, so that led to taking out the hideous wallpaper (hidden blessings!). That led to realizing we needed to take out the paneling because it was partially covered in wall paper and was a mess when we took it off. This led to the discovery of more mildew on the bottom of the paneling and on that wall behind our bathroom heater (no wonder the smell had not left). We've spent some time in the bathroom/plumbing aisles at the big box hardware stores trying to figure out what type/size of vanity cabinet is going to fit in our little square bathroom, and still be able to open the door! And pick out paint color, figure out the flooring, figure out accessories, try to decide if we want a new toilet, etc. etc. etc. ! Martin has been amazing to the project. I get sick from the smell and claustrophobic working in that room so I've tried to contribute with cooking, cleaning, and laundry.

So hopefully we wrap this up soon (most of the vanity cabinets we are considering are in stock), and continue on with other projects like our shower stall, taking out more wallpaper in other rooms, and so on and so on; while we wait (im)patiently for our family to expand!

Family Study Scheduled

We have been expecting a call for a few weeks now from a social worker. We confirmed after we got back from Washington State that all of our paperwork is in, all reference letters were in, and all our background checks were done. The agency was looking for a 'contingency' worker that they hire to do family studies for them and said we should hear from him or them by the end of last week. I had decided that if I didn't hear anything by yesterday I would be a squeaky wheel and make some calls today. Last night, though, he called and scheduled to meet us next Friday afternoon! He wondered if we have plans - we do, but this process is our top priority so our plans will have to wait!

We are excited and nervous and have lots of questions, as do many of you, so hopefully this begins the process of getting answers. I know the #1 question has been "how long will this take?". Well, we don't know. "It all depends" will be coming out of our mouths a lot I expect!

Paperwork

We have noticed that friends and families have been cautious about asking us where we are in the adoption process. Perhaps you were tired of hearing "well, yes, we just have to fill out the paperwork".

Well, Martin and I both seemed to have a peace and a sense of readiness in June and begin to really make headway on the piles of papers we needed to fill out. We sent out a large packet of application materials on June 20, the last day of our church's VBS. That night at the VBS "Harambe" time, I (Kelley) thought to myself "how cool would it be if we had children participating in VBS next year!".

We haven't had any official word from the agency yet. We know they got the paperwork because one of us forgot one signature on one sheet and it was sent back to us. It was immediately fixed and put back in the mail, even driven to the post office to meet the last pick up time! A lot has to be processed, but hopefully we will hear from them soon.

In the meantime, we have been quite busy! We have been doing various projects at the house, had dear friends stay with us for a week, had our annual Summerfest party, Kelley finished a grad class she took on-line with the University of New Hampshire and is finishing up the last few weeks of an on-line class she is teaching, and we are preparing for a trip back to Washington State next week. Phew! Summer is flying by!

When I get where I'm going...

A video for Geoff Moore's version of the Brad Paisley song:



I came across this song last night. My family has decided to bury Danny's remains rather than scatter the ashes when we gather this summer as we had originally planned, so I have been doing research for my Mom for decisions she has to make about urns, urn vaults, and the service.

I read a book a few years ago called "The Sacred Romance" by Brent Curtis and John Eldredge that caused me to think about my role in this story of life very differently. One of the chapters focused on heaven. They talk about how we don't even anticipate or welcome heaven. Life can be so good, so sweet here (especially for us Americans), that we can't imagine that heaven will be so much greater, more beautiful and tasty and without all the pain and tears that accompany this life. A few songs have come out in the last few years that try to grasp this - "Smell the Color Nine" by Chris Rice, and "Imagine" by Mercy Me to name a few.

Even with our ability as humans to think abstractly, to be creative and imaginative, to always desire something "better", we are so limited in our ability to conceive of what things will be like in the Jerusalem Above. Because of that we focus on what we have lost when someone we love dies, or what we will lose when we ourselves die, rather than to think about what is gained. I'm lost in that right now. Grief is not in steps, it is in cycles, and I never know what might set off pain, anger, or tears this week. All of this is NORMAL, though others think that to be "doing okay" when you are grieving means you are smilin' and movin' on!

I'm back?

Recently someone told me that they had been waiting for me to start blogging again. It was actually on my "summer project" list. The list I make every May after graduation of the grand plans I have for a very productive summer. I usually have a house project list, a personal/fun reading list, a professional development reading list, and an attempt at some sort of template for a daily schedule to try to keep all of that on track. However, the summer reading list I created 3 years ago still only has a few books marked off, so you get the idea of how effective my lists are!

I actually do feel like I'm productive so far. I would probably be more EFFECTIVE had I not once again forgotten how to say no to myself or others. Martin is teaching SCI 200 for a few more weeks on Wed/Thurs afternoons. I'm teaching an on-line course, taking an on-line course (and another in about a month), and getting ready to be in Kansas City for about a week participating in the Advanced Placement Psychology test scoring. I just checked out the website for the hotel where I will "live" for that week, and I have to say I am really looking forward to this again! Last year we were in Louisville KY. I had a great time, but there wasn't much else to see. I think where we are located in KC will have a lot more to offer in the evenings after a long day stuck in the convention center (if I ever leave the beautiful hotel!).

On the homefront, we have a # of projects: paperwork for Lutheran Adoption Services; finishing the entry way (painting, putting in those last touches); stripping wall paper and prepping walls in our master suite; gardening/landscaping. We also are now "gamers" with our Wii system, our contribution to stimulating the economy. Last week we bought the Wii Fit "game" and we are both regularly working out thanks to Nintendo! It feeds our competitive spirits to break each others records I think.

Last fall our dear friends gave us a gift certificate to a local nursery so that we could get something to plant as a memorial to our Papa. We didn't have time to plant anything last fall, so we set it aside until now. Last week we picked out a Crimsom Maple. I remember Mom and Danny had planted a red colored maple at the Fagerud House (they called it a Japanese Maple - it may be the same thing!), and I always loved it. It is 10 feet tall so we couldn't exactly put it in the trunk, so Martin called his former student and wonderful friend Moose to ask for a big favor. Friday he will help us with his truck to get "Danny's tree" home to us.

I've been missing Danny so much lately. Perhaps because I've attended 2 funerals recently, and because we bought the tree, and because it is almost Father's Day and when I buy shower and grad cards I have to see them and feel the shock of realizing I can't buy him a card this year every time, and because we bought our tickets to go home this summer so that we can finally do a burial, and because I have more free time to be alone with my thoughts.

By the way - Sherene told me to buy him a card anyway. I'm going to do it.