Senseless messes

This morning, while I set up my visual aids for class, I could hear 3 of my students talking quietly in the back row about the shootings at Virginia Tech. They were sharing what they had heard most recently, trying to make sense out of a senseless event.

Usually, I try to chime in to student discussion to make connections with them. But this morning I pretended not to hear. I couldn't even begin to talk about this horrible tragedy with them. I kept thinking about the brave professors who sacrificed their lives for their students. What would I do? Here I was in a personality psychology class, but knowing psychology has no real meaningful answers.

At that time, they had not released any information about the shooter. By the time class was over, the news shows were all showing his picture, and were gathering their soundbites from neighbors and fellow students. No surprise - a loner who was angry. I'm sure in coming days we will hear speculations about his parents, his mental health, the music he listens to, the "warning signs" that someone should have paid attention to (as if anyone could predict such an event), the video games he plays, etc., all to try to come up with an answer so that 1) we have someone or something to blame; 2) we can assure ourselves it would never happen to us.

Pride training

Isn't that a funny name - like you are in training to have Pride?

That is the title of the training Martin and I are doing regarding foster adoption. It is an acronym for something, but I guess I am a bad student because I cannot remember what it stands for. Parents something something...

We started last Monday, and had our second session last night. We are in a class with about 16 other potential foster or adoptive parents. It is generating more questions for us even as it answers others. It is generating more questions than answering!

I know a lot of you want detailed answers about how everything works - but right now we just don't fully know ourselves. The state requires training, this program fulfills that. We think we have to be licensed as a foster home in order to adopt through the state ward program. We think we have to also work through private agencies for family assessment, but that is also not clear. Of course, we are being strongly encouraged to be foster parents and to be open to older children. But, selfishly, I want kids in my home longer than a few years!

I have so many practical questions as well as the philosophical and psychological questions. Like - what do you do if you get a call in the middle of the night because a toddler needs a foster home? Do you just keep a car seat in case of emergency? The foster Mom who is the co trainer said "Yep". She said she had EVERYTHING - furniture, clothes of all sizes, a crib, a car seat. But not diapers, so when they got a last minute call on a Friday evening, they had to stop for diapers on the way home. Better than having to do that in the middle of the night! She also asked me bluntly "Is your heart strong enough to see some kids come and leave again?". Does anyone really know that of themselves for sure? And do you really want to be "strong" enough to be okay with that?

I just have to keep going back to the basics. We are loving people, Martin will be a great Dad, I think I could be a great Mom, we have a LOT to give, and God told us to love the orphans and the oppressed! I don't have to have all the details figured out right NOW - and maybe I need to accept that I probably NEVER WILL!